Heartbroken

Has anybody ever felt like they wanted to hurt themselves or just so much pain in their mind that it felt like it was going to explode? Kinda like the pain of finding out your significant other is cheating on you or betrayed u in any way. . . I have felt this for weeks and I cry myself to sleep how do u deal with this mental pain it’s messing with me mentally and I’m beginning to think I’m mentally disordered. I have never been so stressed in my life I don’t eat or sleep for days, this guy really has gotten a hold of me I love him but he doesn’t love me. He’s sleeping talking to someone else behind my back he’s not communicating with me he shuts me down every time I bring a conversation up he just wants sex. I cry and beg the Lord to give me the courage to leave to please send me somebody to love me like I love . To respect me and care for me I feel unwanted unloved. Disrespected. This is a horrible horrible feeling & he knows I’m going through this but doesn’t have a care in the world yet I’m still willing to do whatever he wants me to do for him. He’s using me in plain sight. I’m made a fool of over and over again. I appear needy. desperate and easy . Willing and ready for him at every moment needed . This is not attractive this is annoying to him.

How do I recover how do I get away this is hard ;( sometimes when I cry I pull my hair out I get that ANGRY & my heart hurts & I am so sad everyday. Blame myself for the way things turned out to be & have so many regrets to why this has happend and how it could have been avoided it’s all I think about at night I’m losing sleep I’m getting weak :(

This is not who I was before I met him pls help:( what are some things I can do to focus on myself . To get my mind off of him and worrying about everything he’s doing