15dpo AF was due 14 dpo... all the signs pointed to pregnancy. Last month it was sharp pains which is normal for periods. This month it was dull pains down in my Uterus. Completely different feelings and symptoms. Im so confused, disappointed, and shocked that it was my period all along. I just want to cry. This might sound extreme but to be honest i feel betrayed by my body.

I dont understand whats wrong with me?? Theres literally no way of me knowing if im pregnant or if its pms. Every month i go thru this crazy roller coaster of hope and then doubt of maybe its just pms and not pregnancy. I just dont understand my body. I dont get it. I know we are only a few months into TTC but it feels like we will never get there. It just feels like a joke when i start talking about oh im feeling this it must be pregnancy.. oh we did all the right things we have a good chance... i see all these women saying my time will come but it never seems to. My heart hurts for those who struggle with TTC for years, i cant imagine that pain.

I have this love hate thing with my period.. on one hand ive always been very irregular. Ive gone as long as 8ish months without AF. I know that getting my period means im not pregnant. On the other hand when i get AF i know its a chance for a new cycle, another opportunity for a baby. So even though i obviously dont want AF to show im thankful my period atleast came as opposed to not showing at all, leaving me to wait even longer before ovulating again so we can have our baby. My periods have become alot more regular surprisingly and i mark that up to Geritol. Im sorry if this venting is coming off badly, i know women personally who have struggled so much with TTC for so much longer then i have so maybe its unfair i feel the way i do. Family of mine has struggled with TTC it goes way back on my side except for my mother surprisingly. I fear that maybe i didnt get lucky enough to be as fertile as my mom was.. what if i have trouble like the rest of my family line? Its a scary thing to think about.

I just want us to get pregnant soon.

Id obviously would prefergo us do it ourselves as opposed to more invasive routes with doctors.

I really thought id get to tell my husband hed be a daddy. I thought id get to tell my mother she would be a grandmother this Christmas. I know i shouldnt have made up such an unpredictable goal to get pregnant by Christmas, especially a goal thats out of my hands. Im just going to try to be positive and surround myself with family and loved ones.

Not going to lie, some crazy part of me wants someone to comment "oh i got a bit of spotting a day late for my period but still tested positive a few days later" but the reality is.. thats probably highly unlikely. Im not mad at God at all. I know he has a plan and i have to trust him. Im just sad because it wasnt our month.

I feel like weve tried all the at home things we could.. preseed, Mucinex expectorant, ovulation tests, Geritol energy support and folic acid pills even this nasty tea during some of my fertile window that tastest so bad (pink stork fertility tea) i just feel so defeated. I know im blessed to have such an amazing, supportive husband and because of that i know we can do this. I just have to have faith, keep pushing and talking to others who know what im going thru on Glow in hopes that maybe ill learn something new. Something thatll hopefully help get us our baby soon. No two pink lines for us this Christmas. Id greatly appreciate any supportive comments or even better prayer. Thanks