I cheated...

I was in a bad relationship. He verbally abused me making me feel like I was worthless, sometimes I had sex with him when I didn’t want to because he wouldn’t stop. He was extremely manipulative and mean to me. I became extremely depressed throughout our relationship. We got into a fight and broke it off for only about maybe 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks i felt so free, I thought i was never going back and i felt a weight lifted off of me, But in that 2 weeks I had met and slept with somebody else because he made me feel things my boyfriend didn’t and i did it out of anger and spite. After the 2 weeks he drew me back in but I couldn’t help but feel disgusted with myself. He never put his hands on me and never threatened to but he was explosive so i knew it wouldn’t be safe to tell him in person so I texted him he said “I was lucky i wasn’t there right now” we tried to work things out but my confession changed things. He was an ass but I know he would have never done that to me his ex cheated on him also so I feel like I reopened a wound for him. I know he was awful to me but I still can’t help but feel so guilty for cheating and hurting him and I’m mad at myself for caring about someone’s feelings who gave not a second thought to mine. Sometimes I miss him and it makes me feel immature.