confession

i’ve had about 15-20 sexual partners all in a year. My first one was rape,, that day, i was wearing something that showed off my body. last year, i really just wanted attention from boys because i don’t live with and almost NEVER see my dad, my older brother is in jail, and i feel like my grandfather didn’t really care what i do. and i got it the wrong way. i had just got out of school, and i was locked out of my apartment ( i didn’t have a key then ) so i was waiting outside. he came around and asked if i wanted to, and i said sure because i liked the way he looked at me. i was a virgin though. by the time i walked to the building with him and his friend, i changed my mind and said never mind i need to go home. he didn’t like that so his friend took my book bag and ran into his house so i had no choice but to go in. i did, but they still didn’t give it back and they locked me in his room with him, and said i’ll get my book bag and be able to go home as soon as we had sex. i didn’t want to but i did it anyway. i’ll always regret putting myself in that situation. since that, i felt the only way to get a boy attention was to use my body. i didn’t value myself. it’s a new year and i don’t do that anymore but i still get judge for all the stuff i did last year. i’ll always be a hoe to everyone 🤷🏾‍♀️ sorry for the long post but i wanted to get that off my chest.