I need help, advice, someone’s point of view, a shoulder to lean on/ support

So I need help. Not sure what to do but there are times I relapse and think about the guy I want to be with but like he doesn’t share the same view. Before you judge me hear me out! This guy played with my emotions and string me along for a year and some change. Are the months grew the dynamics of the relationship changed and he started gaslighting me, manipulating me etc. now I could’ve left this situation a long time ago before I was 6ft feelings deep but of course I got promises of being together and things will get better soon so I stupidly held on till the feelings for this guy grew and well I fell hard for him.

As time keeps passing it hurts because our convos have gone from getting shorter to some days none at all and what makes it worst is he met someone new and is lying to me about it. Is like I have so many questions but I don’t want to seem crazy as he previously gaslighted me by saying.

This guy has left me so broken and wounded. Is like I don’t know who genuine anymore from who isn’t.

He’s clearly moved on I just don’t know how to do the same. I don’t even have the strength to block him because I somewhat have hope which I shouldn’t have but it hurts so bad especially to know he discarded me like I’m a piece of shit or something. BTW this is my first heart break so idk how to deal with this shit. I can’t speak out loud to anyone sigh