I met him when I was 18, managing a bar that he happened to be a bouncer there. We fell in Love... I have been with this Man for 15yrs now, on & off. Through Great, Good, Bad, and Horrible times. You name it, we have been through it. So CraZY! When I met him, he was recently broken up with another woman. We fell in love. 7 months later I experienced a miscarriage. We didn’t know I was pregnant. I was sad, he was relieved. Being that he already had 2 sons and 2 step daughters. With 3 different women. Uhh A few months later, he cheated on me with his ex. We split for a bit, and then she got pregnant. About 5 months later, we reconnected, and were with eachother. 4 yrs later, he asked me for a child. I was happy. Finally a next step with this man. I got pregnant. He got cold feet. I then started thinking about my life at the time. I was finishing college, trying to start a career. I ended up getting an abortion. It was such a tough time for me... He ended up getting arrested a few months later, he was facing 8 yrs in prison. I stood by my mans side! I accepted his calls everyday. Sometimes 2, 3x a day. I write him everyday, and go visit him 2, 3x a week. I stood by my man’s side, as every woman should. Regardless of the situations. If you love him, you stay by him! Theeeeeen after the months going back in forth through trial. I went to one of his court days. The final verdict. His father was there with his uncle and cousin. I started seeing other women that he has dealt with in the past. 2 of His baby mothers, 1 of his exes. I then get introduced to some woman, and she tells me she is his girlfriend. WOAH! 😳 He was sentenced to 5 yrs. I spoke to that woman after, and she said she was over him. He then admitted to me that he has cheated on me numerous of times with numerous of women. Having hidden relationships. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I felt so betrayed. I have been already dealing with the issues he brought to me, and now I hear that their were more?! I was hurt, but not broken! I’m a strong woman!! I carried on. Although I kept communication with him, I just didn’t consider him “My man”, but Oh did I miss him SO MUCH! So I went to go visit him, and sparks flashed again. Throughout all, I kept my loyalty. Not even flirt. I was celibate, and saving myself for MY MAN! A couple yrs passed. He helped me out every step of the way. He was giving me money for bills, and we were in love. It was pretty good, despite the glass window, and telephone between us. Well one day I went to go visit him, and he was wearing a wedding band. 😱🤯 Ummmm What? Well, come to find out, He got married in there with his Baby Momma💔 I immediately left the visit room and did not communicate with him AT ALL! About 6 months later, I ended up reconnecting with a childhood crush, and ended up being with him for a little bit. The only thing is that he reminded me so much of my ex. His humor & his swag, even the betrayal smh so I left him... As time passed the letters and cards were piling up from my ex. I’ve decided one day to read these letter. The apologies, the love words. It made me miss him. I went to see him. We kept communication. I was visiting him here n there. He and his “wife” had broken up. She told me she was going ahead on a divorce, and it was only about their daughter... Since then he has been home, but not really home. And that gets me so annoyed. Like wtf?! Why are you not coming home some nights? He claims he be falling asleep at his brothers after drunken episodes. Nahhh a woman knows what’s going on. But I still stood with him. But with my guard up. I then started going out and not coming home sometimes. We got into an argue and broke up. However we once again “linked up”. That day I noticed he had some woman’s name tatted on his arm. WTF EWW! I kicked him out. I had link ups with others yea I did, he “moved on too” But Months later of him coming to the apartment begging me back, I took him back. I was missing him too. Not gonna lie. Well, I ended up getting pregnant. He wanted an abortion 😥 I wanted my baby. This is already 13 yrs later. I’m getting up there in age. But I got an abortion, because I was stupid. I did everything for this man. Well laaattteeerrrrrr on over a yr later, The asshole told me had another woman pregnant at that same time. He dealt with her while we were broken up. She lived in an entire different state. I was hurt. I became depressed, and very angry. I just kept focusing on work. Working 2 jobs. Still standing by his side. A yr later this time we both agreed to have a baby. We been speaking about marriage. Making plans and all. I got pregnant. We were so happy. It was good. We were making big plans FINALLY! 3 months pregnant, and I heard That he was around with another woman. I approached him with it, and we argued about it smh. A month later and my placenta burst. I had a miscarriage. That was 6 months ago. A week after the miscarriage, the day I was passing the fetus. He had gotten into a motorcycle accident. I went to go see him, and that woman ppl said they saw him with was there. With his name tatted on her neck. 😥💔 My emotions and anger got the best of me. I fought her. That there was it for me! He basically smacked me without physically smacked me, although he has smacked me before in the past. But this here ripped me up into pieces. My love for this man is still there. I guess cuz besides his promiscuous ways, the man has EVERYTHING about a man that I want. We still link up atleast once a week. And I just continue to try to make it work, like I really want my man for me, but he keeps playing me. I pray everyday for a change for the better, between he and I. I really do want loyalty with this man. He claims he wants to change, but his actions are so poor. He has cried in my arms, apologizing, and I do the same to him. I cry ALOT! But idk I still try. I just don’t understand this craziness we have, but we both keep holding on to eachother. Through out all the drama, all the women, all the men, all the pain n all n we still love eachother. But are both really hurt by eachother. I have always told him that no matter what, when it’s all said and done, and the games are over, we will be with eachother. We will grow old together. But I am just super hurt! I’m confused and don’t know what more to do with my relationship, what to do with my life?! I have decided to move across the country. Start off fresh, work on myself. I told him he needs to work on himself too. Then when he’s ready, come home. We need a break away, to figure out if we do truly love eachother, and if we are going to make US work. Although I really do pray it does, I’m not going to hold my breath. I leave in 4 days, and he is 2 hours late from work. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Idk what more to do with this CraZY love. Idek if it’s even love anymore. He keeps doing what he does cuz I have allowed it for so long, it I don’t want the betrayal anymore. I WANT MY MAN... Damn! Idk if it’s even worth it anymore, but I truly don’t want to be with anyone else. I just want him, just the loyal him!! Idk what to do. This rollercoaster is getting me dizzy.