Pregnant with 4th

Okay this is weird for me but I need help.... I had my first baby December of 2017 and shortly after that I got pregnant again with twins right after basically and ended up having them super early in July of 2018 and I was told they wouldn’t make it but currently they’re still in the NICU and doing pretty good, but after I had them I decided to get on the pill and I never missed a day but I started having really bad cramps and feeling really nauseous so after 3 months I never renewed my prescription and I stopped taking them because they were making me feel bad and gaining weight like crazy, and me and my SO decided to just use protection but my period was a few days late and I’m never late I don’t know if I should see a doctor or not but I also don’t know what to do if I’m pregnant again I don’t believe in abortions but I also just had 3 babies in less than a year and I don’t know if my body can handle another pregnancy but if I can I’ve thought of adoption but also I get super attached very easily and I don’t want to have to make the decision of giving my baby to someone else to raise.... I just don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out