So this is going to be very long amd have many spelling errors. I dont want negativity i just need to rant.

So growing up my father was a very awful person. He was an abusive drunk. When my younger siblings would do something'wrong' in his eyes id make sure that i was the one who got the blame as he would be very violent and the punishment was NEVER justified by the crime. I would always watch out for them and at most times id be like a mother instead of a sister. I took care of them made sure they ate and were clean and did so much that personally i think a child shouldn't have to. My mother was to afraid to do anything to help us and herself. (I was very resentful as she knew all of what was going on and did nothing) i am 3 years older then my brother and 9 years older then my sister but i dont remember a time when i wasn't'mama' to them. I had talked to cps several times but we always managed to slip through the cracks.

When my dad finally left when i was 14 i was very releavied yet a bit sat as he was still my father. My mother had a hard time paying bills even before he left but it was harder when he was gone. There wasnt much i could do being only 14 and only able to babysit for extra cash for bills. We ended up having to move states away to live on a property owned by my mothers parents. In exchange we (all kids and my mom) had to help them clean and work for their little bussiness. I had no issue with this as they were giving us a home and making sure we were taken care of. I did have some worries as to why my 11 year old brother and 5 year old sister had to work as much and as hard as me and my mother. Only because they no longer were aloud to go and play or hang out with kids their own age.

As time went on i became more and more displeased with the situation as being in high school there were more things open to me like theatre and sports and being able to get a real job but my granparents would not let me do any of those things. Their reasoning was i owe them and had to give all my free time to them and help them. I restate i had no issue helping but it ultamitly wasn't my fault we needed this help and i was still a child, so not being able to pursue anything other them just school and helping them started to affect me mentally i became more depressed then before(as i already had a rough childhood and had issues mentally) i had really bad anxiety and became suicidal. Not being able to leave the house at all besides school was very hard. They didnt let me learn to drive or get a job. I didn't have many friends because after so many times of telling people im not allowed to hang out with them outside of school people just stop asking and they drift away. there were a few that stuck around,but ad i started to become vocal with my unhappiness with my situation my grandparents put into my head that these people weren't going to be there for me forever and family was so family came over friends and i had no need to hang out with them.

I felt traped and alone and it started to mess with my grades. It was hard for me to study and pay attention because of my depression. My straight as went to cs and my family accused me of being lazy and not doing what i was supposed to and that added to my problems soon my grades slipped to ds and fs. I always managed to pull through enough to get the class credits i needed to pass. Seinor year came i didnt have a license or a job i have few friends and hated life. All i wanted to do was kill myself.

It was harder to pass my classes and i gave up on myself because i was not receiving any help from anyone not even my family. I started skipping classes and smoking weed. Because what was the point in attending classes that i couldn't pay attention and the weed made me feel better. I wasn't as sad and didn't hate myself as much.

But halfway through the school year i realized that if i could pull together just enough to graduate i could move out into my friend's house. I could learn. To drive i could get a job!! Id be free.

I went to my brother. My closest friend. He was 15 and i felt i could talk to him about these things. I told him how i was struggling and that i had smoked and skipped but that i was going to do better and i needed his help. Three days later he got in trouble with our grandparents and he blaimed his behaviour on what i had told him. My grandparents flipped out.called my a slut(i was still a virgin at 18 and didn't do many actual sexual things as i didnt find interest in them) they called me out on my body weight(im a little heavey) as they had been for years they saod i was a drug addict and a dealer amd i was scum and that i was not going to amount to anything in my life. I tried leaving that day but they called the cops on my friemd who came to pick me up and when the cop talked to my they but in and tell him about the weed and even said i was stealing and drinking(i wasn't) the cop said i could come with him or stay with my grandparents. I chose my grandparents. Thwy smashed my cell phone made me pack up my room and put it in storage. They made me sleep on my moms floor amf gave my room to my sister. Thwy made me believe that i had no where else to go and no one would take me in as i was a theif amd drug addict and had no job. They found out that i had ro do summer school beforr i could get my diploma(the summer school was free) so they made me drop out or theyd kick me out. I had to contact with the outside world for months. I felt i had no where to go even if i did rum away. They put my in a ged program that costs money, paid for it and told me i had to pay them back. It wasnt my choice at all. A month before i turned 19 i flipped out and they kicked me out. I stayed in the homless shelter a few days amd then called a friend of mine i hadnt talked to in almost a year. I asked to sleep over a few days but when her mom found out i was homeless she freaked ut and said id live with them until i got my life together. Within that first month i got my first job amd started learning how to drive. At 6months i was in a relationship with a man i loved a lot. And had a 2nd job. At 9 months i had my own rental. And found out we were expecting a baby.

This whole 9 months my birth family(aside from my brother who still talk3d to ) criticised every move i made everything i did to better myself and never tried to talk to me i always reached out to talk to thwm to see how they were. I was in the hospital all week thanksgiving that year and they didnt visit me once. But there was always at least one person sleeping in the room with me from the people who took me in. My birth family has never supported me or anything i wanted for my life.

When i told them i was pregnant they were pissed and didnt care. Said many nasty things and stoped talking to me. So i stoped talking to them. Then my grandpa went into the hospital. My grandma texted me telling me i needed to get off my high horse and help my family and i was selfish for not talking to them and seeing how they were. As im over here pregnant amd no one ever checking up on me. I got this message from her while on my home from already having visited my grandpa at the hospital. For hours. With no one else from the family there.

We started talking more.

I quite my job because of my pregnancy being high risk and the doctor telling me i needed to be on bed rest. I haf not yet made enough paid vacation for the time i needed off, and my boyfriend has a very well paying job. So we talked nd decided was best for me to quite.

I have no heard the end of it from my birth family. Calling me lazy and irresponsibly. And saying i can't come home with the baby to them when i turn out to not have a place to go. They ask when im getting another job(im 6 months pregnant rn) and belittle my noe fionce and my choice for me to be a stay at home mom. They say we cant afford this and that and blah blah amd that i need to help them morr amd i still owe them.

My fionce makes more then enough money and we have a good amount of savings. I never asked to come home and not once have i ever asked for money or help. They are the ones who ask.

Its been over a year since thwy kicked me out and i have never been more happy and more prosperous in life and ita never enough for them and im still a failure and im still not making a good lofe for myself amf im still lazy.

The people who took me in are more a family to me them they are and my birth family still sayd how no one else will be either for me. They twll me im not ready to raise a child even tbo i raised my siblings amd that i act like a child and ant do anything for myself..

There's more but this has been long enough already and its a pity fest, but i feel better about saying what i said so thats what matters.

Wish me luck with life amd my baby and fionce. Love you guys thankyou for reading.