Is something wrong with me?

Question

I’ve had 2 miscarriages. One in 2005 and another in 2017. When I found out about the miscarriage in 2005 I cried for a day and moved on. Same with the second one. I never think about the babies I lost. I just think “eh whatever.”
I have 3 daughters and expecting a little boy in April. I read posts about women who can’t get over their miscarriages and I feel awful that I don’t care about the miscarriages I had. Is something wrong with me?

Answer

First, I am sorry for your losses. There isn’t anything wrong with feeling “ok.” Everyone is different and has different psychological and environmental factors that impact how they cope with loss. 
For some it is very easy to get caught up in a loss and let it ruin your life. This app seems to attract people who suffer their loss very hard (the point of the app is to build a community of support, so it is serving its purpose). I think by using this app you are being exposed to people who are suffering their loss very painfully, more so than you would in your daily life. I would guess that the majority of women are able to move on and have healthy attitudes toward their loss within a month of that loss. The physical part of a miscarriage comes to an end but the psychological and emotional scars last, and they impact everyone differently depending on their coping styles. 
Not to devalue your loss at all, but I think it’s also a very different experience for women who have had healthy children in addition to miscarriages. Women (like myself) who do not have any children don’t know that “everything will be alright” because so far, nothing has gone right. That is not to devalue anyone’s loss at all, it’s just different when your concerns go beyond “why did I lose that pregnancy?” and morph into concerns like “what is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? Will I ever get pregnant? Will my pregnancies ever be healthy? How many more times will I feel the pain of loss? Etc.”
A third thing to consider is the circumstance and the actual loss experience. Personally, I was/am devastated by my loss. But what has left me damaged is the way in which my loss occurred. My doctor dragged me along for 6 weeks, through four doses of cytotec, and ultimately a D&C with sample collections for histopathology (how am I NOT supposed to wonder what it wrong with me if I can’t even miscarry normally). If I had lost my baby naturally or after one dose of cytotec I think I would not have the same level of PTSD that I do right now. I had to wait 6 weeks from the day I knew my baby died until final resolution (D&C) so I’m not so much sad about the baby as I am about the complications...however it’s almost impossible to separate those two things. 
Anyways, my point is that the loss is different for everyone and how you react depends of sooooo many different individual factors. Just something to think about as we participate in a support group  community.

Answer

It at all, I had 3, the first one I didn’t want as I was on the mirena, so wasn’t upsetting at all. The second one I was super upset over, and this recent was I was upset but was kind of expecting it. But it’s more of not being able to carry that is more upsetting to me. I don’t think about the babies in particular because they never made it to heart beat stage )= never seen them on ultrasounds )= 
It’s been a month since my 3rd miscarriage. Going to try again in 2 more months! And if it ends in miscarriage I may just not try again. It’s not something I wish anyone to go through. The physical pain and the heart ache. 
I have 1 daughter who is 9! 2 step daughters and 2 step granddaughters. So it wouldn’t be a big deal if I had to quit trying.

Is something wrong with me?

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