Scared and discouraged

We have been TTC #2 for 9 months now. AF is due on the 22 and I’m so afraid . Last month for the first time ever other than when I got pregnant I had a late period, but my tests were negative and sure enough AF showed up eventually. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if what happened with my son hadn’t happened. My water broke at 23 weeks and I had him at 25 weeks. He was in the nicu for over 3 months. It turned our lives upside down to say the very least. My water breaking was due to infection (chorioamnionitis). Everything about the 2 weeks leading up to his birth, his birth itself, the nicu stay was so traumatic and not at all what you would envision. I so so so bad just want a healthy, full term pregnancy. It never ever occurred to me that I may not be able to get pregnant again or would struggle. It’s just so hard. I just want things to go our way because they haven’t at all for the last 2 years. I want to give my son a sibling so bad. I have so much love to give. I don’t think I can handle if if this doesn’t work out. My body has already let me down so much. I’m just tired of everything being so f***ing hard and a battle. Please only kind words. Thank you.