I went for my medical assessment today they have cancelled it 8 times so it’s been hanging over me for over 6 months and my anxiety has been through the roof about it, because I wasn’t sure what questions I would be asked I requested to see a female assessor due to some highly humiliating symptoms of my illnesses among other things.

My OH took me but I was a mess all day I had no sleep last night with the worry, I had two panic attacks on the way there once because I was confused about where to get the bus in the packed city centre and thought I was going to miss the appointment and then again when we got off the bus somewhere I had never been before and I couldn’t read the map, my OH had said he knew where it was etc and when it seemed he didn’t I had another meltdown.

Finally make it to the centre to be told that they were running half an hour behind (went outside and burst into tears because I felt so stupid)

I am finally called to be seen by a male assessor which I totally melted down at again, the guy said he can see why I wanted a female having read my file and I was sent home to wait for another appointment.

I was in such a state afterwards both emotionally and physically (chronic back pain) that my dad had to come and collect us to bring us home, this all happened at 16.00 this afternoon I’m still shaking and in a huge amount of pain which would not be so bad if not for today’s performance.

I am so scared about the next appointment i don’t know if I can physically put myself through it again and it’s made me realise how drastically my mental health has declined in the past 6 months I just have not coped with today at all

I feel like giving up but that would just make me more of a burden than I already am my thoughts are very dark this evening.

Has anyone gone through anything similar with these assessments? It feels like they are doing these things purposely to see how I will react and today has made me feel very vulnerable I’ve worked all my life and never had to have one before, my OH is very angry about today and wants to make a complaint but I’m scared that will go against me and they will force me to work which of today’s anything to go by is a way off my medication is clearly not working I don’t know what to do.

Plan B

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