Ok so there’s this girl who I’m in love with. The first time I caught feelings was in June when our school went to an amusement park to celebrate 8th grade graduation and I was wearing these sunglasses and she looks at me and says, “I can’t recognize you with those” and she took them off of my face and we just looked at each other for a few seconds. Flash forward to freshman year starting a few months later, I have one class with her and I thought she hated me because I kept trying to follow her old insta that must’ve got deleted because it wouldn’t let me follow her so I thought i had been blocked, later I got her to follow me and she had an account that didn’t have her name in it. Then mid-October I decided to join crew for our schools fall musical, I was scared because I thought I wouldn’t know anyone but I decided to go and as soon I walked in my crush and this other girl who I used to be friends with both greeted me and invited me to sit with them and talk. At this point I didn’t like my crush yet but we’ll get to that. She’d do little things that made me think she liked me, she was really nice to me, and she’d touch me and sit by me and share her food with me. On like our second day of crew we were alone in the booth of the auditorium, we kinda were just talking and bonding over things we liked (mostly heathers the musical lol) and she mentioned how we were both bi a couple times and asked me if i liked anyone, I told her not anymore (referring to a different crush) at this point I still didn’t like her or at least realize it, but there was this moment when we were standing just staring into each others eyes and laughing and smiling and I legit was like is she about to kiss me? Because that’d be pretty iconic. Little things would happen after that and there was this day when we were sitting on a bathroom floor facing each other with legs touching and we were singing the song “seventeen” from heathers and i really thought she liked me back at this point. There was this day I was like, “I feel bad I didn’t really do anything to help” and she goes “that’s not true, you handed me the marker, you painted a little, and you looked really pretty today” and I just laughed. At this point I definitely liked her, I really started liking her a few days before the heathers bathroom moment. Things started to get worse though, she stopped being nice to me and she started ignoring me and caring more about the other people there. I was getting really sad, I was awaiting the day something good would happen. By the end of our schools production, she was kinda being mean to me and I felt so hopeless because I was so in love with her and I didn’t think she cared.. anymore. Then at our cast party I was so sad and she was being mean to me and I felt so lonely because I had spent the entire production trying to win her over instead of really getting to know the other people there, I kinda knew some others but not very well. There was even a moment where I walked to the bathroom in tears and I was almost gonna sing “Michael in the bathroom” from Be More Chill the musical (if you know that song you’d know how much I could relate haha because I was kinda at a party and was kinda a loner). I kinda forgot about her over thanksgiving break but then we went back to school and I realized I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore. On a Friday I kept asking my friends “I’m trying to make impulse decisions, should I tell my crush I like her?” Most people said yes, and I got one maybe. I went home and I told her on Instagram dm’s, she was nice about it and she told me she hopes I feel better and I was pretty happy with that response, but then I asked her if she ever suspected anything and she said “idk I never really thought about it” which means she’s never liked me and probably never will, but all the signs where there and it just makes me so sad and everyone tells me to get over her but I can’t. She was just so perfect and we had a lot in common, I mean we both LOVE “take me or leave me” from Rent, I mean I literally learned Joanne’s part even though I’ve always been Maureen just because she liked singing Maureen and I just wanted to sing it with her. And now we barely talk because the musical is over so we aren’t seeing each other every day anymore, only once every 2 days, and in that class we barely talk. I tried reaching out last night because she posted something that sounded suicidal and she didn’t answer and I’m worried, I need her to know I care and that I love her.