Ok. So this year has been terrible for me with loss. First my mom on 4/15. Then several of my buddies over the summer months. My great aunt on 8/14 then my twins on 10/28. My mom that passed her birthday was 10/03. 10 yr anne of my grandmother was 10/08. And the 1 yr of my great Gawmaw on 12/12 just days after my 34th birthday. Not to mention the first holidays with out them. I thought i was going to be ok at Christmas being around other babies that belonged to other family members but i was wrong. I fell completely to pieces. Instead of making a scene, i excused myself to the front porch steps next to any empty chair, and just shed my tears and prayed. Prayed so hard. . . that my time would come again and everything would be 100% if not better than my last pregnancy.

So here's where I'm not holding my breath. I have PCOS and Endo(at last check it was the size of a dime, time before that i had reversed it completly with healthy lifestyle, exercise and eating) along with use to be irregular periods but am now 30 days on the money every time. And as i said earlier i lost a set of twins @ 5mths on 10/28. Aunt flow was suppose to drop in on Christmas day. Ovulation was 12/11. We BD on the 10th and 12th Then again on the 16th & 17th, as well as christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a> and day! As of today(12/30) i am 6 days past the beginning of aunt flow. 19 dpo. Took one test on the 26th for sh*ts n giggles it said nope. Tomorrow i will test again. And if nothing shows up by friday i will go for blood tests, ultrasounds, etc. Happenings right now, if we could use the gas i have currently to fill up gas tanks in cars I'm sure everyone would have over full tanks! 😣 the ladies are very perky, full, sore, kinda heavy, and getting darker than normal. My fave meal has not set well with me(jambalya, greens, black eyed peas and cheddar bay biscuts from scratch.) I 👃 smell EVERYTHING!!! I cry at the drop of a dime. And sometimes i don't even know WHAT i am crying about! Tried to make biscuts n gravy. Fail! Gravy was sooo thick you could've used it as drywall mudd! Fudge turned out awesome!! Made me sick but everyone else loved it! All critters seem to want to be near me and wrapped around me. Here's to baby dust by the tons. Just not holding my breath. God will see this through.

Update:

So i held off having to tinkle for as long as i could over night into this morning. Tested and looks like a dr visit is going to be in order anyway. BFN. This is sooooo frustrating.

Update from update this morning!!

So went to finish my year end cleaning spree! Last room was the bathroom. Got mad as fire, grabbed the test i took this morning, went to pitch it and LOOK what i see!!

Will someone to a reverse on this to make sure I'm seeing things please?! Is that truly a positive?!