I’ve been with this guy since I was in the 9th grade. When we first started dating I found out he was the super jealous type & he didn’t like that I had many guy friends but me on the other hand didn’t see a problem with it so we tended to have a lot of arguments. I changed and cut off most of my guy friends bc i knew some liked me and I didn’t want issues with my boyfriend. By April my dad found out we were dating & he made me break up with him and I did because I was scared of my dad. The boy said he “understood” so we went our separate ways; he ended up talking really bad about me & saying things like “don’t mention her she’s a hoe/slut” & more but no one tells me. He texted me in August again &we got back together. I asked him why he had said those things about me & he said he was hurt because I left him; I forgave him of course. Then sophomore year came and things were sorta good between us until February because I asked for a break; at this time I felt like maybe he didn’t care about me, I felt like we were together but only by title; everyone including him always said I never did anything for our relationship but in reality I had gone against my parents to be with him and he didn’t see that so I felt hurt. During this break I talked to my bestfriends older brother(I was 15 and he was 17)... no one knew but a few of his friends and my bestfriend. On Valentine’s Day which was the 3rd day we were talking he took me on a date and said he “loved me” which made me realize I only loved my ex boyfriend & I didn’t want anyone else so I waited a couple of days and texted my ex. A week later I told him about what happened between my besties brother & me and he flipped. He said he needed space to think if I was what he wanted & he said he felt hurt and betrayed. He eventually said he would try and forgive me but it would take time so I said okay. As the days past we would argue here & there and he would say that the reason our relationship was bad was because of me and because I made the trust break. I honestly hated myself because I hurt the person I love. a few months later I found out he was also talking to another girl at the time that I was talking to my bestfriends brother. I felt mad because he bashed me and told me it was my fault when in reality he did the same. He told me he only liked the attention she gave him & because she “let him talk about his relationship with mine &how heartbroken he was” but it still hurt me and honestly what hurt more was I forgave him and then gave him my virginity because I thought maybe he would love me more. Then July came and summer break was here. I was going to move far from New York and he said he wasn’t sure he wanted to go through that so he broke up with me. He said he needed someone by his side. So I said okay I respected that.then he texted me saying he wanted me back but I was hurt so I said no. A few days later I was thinking about everything and I knew I wasn’t the easiest person to be with so I texted him and told him I wanted to have something serious. He later told me he went back to that girl; the girl that caused the insecurities that I still have. It broke me but I didn’t say anything. It still hurts bc 3 months had past since he talked to her and he went back. He broke up with me Togo back to her. It hurts you know... but I still stayed. Now were in junior year and things have been better but I still feel hurt and I don’t know what to do.tonight he had gone it with his sister and came back at 2am and he told me to wait that he was gonna eat and then we could text; he asked me if I loved him and I said yes of course and then he said goodnight, he said he wanted to be told he was loved. I don’t know why that hurt. I also have this drawn attraction to girls and I’m really confused. I feel like I love him but there are moments where I feel anger and hurt. What do I do???