How do I heal without hurting others?

A little backstory•

My husband and I have been ttc for right at two years and we finally got our positive Oct. 19, 2018. At our first sonogram we found out the baby had quit growing around 5-6 weeks and I was having a “missed abortion/miscarriage”. Essentially for anyone who doesn’t know, my body had yet to recognize and had not actually started the process of expelling our baby. One week from our appointment my body finally caught up and after 9 hours of bleeding and progressively more painful cramps and pain, I delivered everything. I carried my baby for 9 weeks and 3 days and it was nowhere near long enough.. I was anticipating this for a week, I knew what was coming but No one can prepare you for the pain you feel when you miscarry. I just sat there holding our baby for a while, not knowing what to do, who else to call when I couldn’t reach my midwife, mother or sister. I had been grieving for a week already and it just felt incredibly worse right then. The ONLY good thing about this situation was seeing my husband step up for me. He wasn’t yet attached to our baby, we never got to hear our little heartbeat and there wasn’t really anything more than a small dot to see on our sonogram. He was excited though, for it to be born.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, the only two gal pals I have are both expecting. One little girl to be born in February 2019 and a little boy in May 2019. I’m supposed to be at my friends baby shower this coming weekend and I don’t see how I can emotionally make it through. How bad of a friend am I to miss this? Her first child and it’s not that I’m not happy for her, I’m thrilled. I’m just so sad for myself at the same time. I never told her I was expecting since we were trying to wait until we knew everything was fine. Do I possibly hurt her feelings by not showing and try to explain to her that for my own emotional and mental health I just can’t be there?? Do I go and risk a total shut down from my anxiety? I don’t know how I’m supposed to grieve and heal and not hurt or disappoint people. It’s just so hard to go through.