Talking to the dead...?

Let me get straight to it.

I feel bad about talking and thinking about people who are dead because I feel like they can hear me. And in addition to that I talk to myself (not in public), pretending that I can hear Freddie Mercury talking back to me. He’s my idol and when I do something wrong I feel as if I’ve wronged him - or my grandad who died before I was born. When I do something wrong, at night, at 3:00AM I cry and cry and cry. I talk out loud and “talk” to people I feel are there.

The other night I was crying because my best friend has seemed to stray from me the past few months and has found a new best friend. She had lost her grandad earlier on in 2018 and when I was crying, I was talking to him as if he was there. I’m trying to make it not sound creepy - I had met him lots of times before, I had known him for several years.

I was also crying because I felt sympathy for my best friend. I mean, I knew him a bit. So I was talking as if he was there. I kept saying, “If you’re out there, protect her. Please, protect her and your family.”

I do that often when I have bad nights of sleep. I talk mostly to Freddie Mercury and my grandad, as if they are there. I feel like they are protecting me, because they are my idols.

I swear I’m not crazy, I’m not insane. I just believe that when I think about certain deceased people (people I am fond of) I have to talk to them out of respect. I feel that they’re watching over me when I think of them.

Weird confession, I know.