Leaving Your Child Alone: The Benefits of Benign Neglect

Benign neglect, a term which a pediatrician friend of mine uses, refers to periods of time in which a baby is left alone (with an adult nearby) to simply be. While the terminology may bother some people, the idea behind it is a sound one: you have to let your baby be without you sometimes. Babies, no matter how old, need age-appropriate blocks of time to take in their surroundings or play by themselves. Simply laying out a blanket on the floor with a few toys for your little one and stepping a few feet away to read a magazine or do the dishes actually does a variety of things for baby.

One, it allows them to practice entertaining themselves. Life isn’t always exciting and children who haven’t practiced keeping themselves occupied when they were younger will often complain of being bored because they have learned that they always need someone else to entertain them.

Second, it shows baby that parent has a life outside of them. Infants may not fully grasp this concept but as your baby becomes a toddler, it is so important for them to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them. There will be times when they have to wait for something because a parent is busy. Simply, their needs are not always the top priority of everyone they encounter.

Lastly, and most beneficial to sleep, it teaches children that it’s okay to be alone or away from parents for a while. If baby is glued to your side every minute of the day, being put down for naps and bedtime alone can cause anxiety and fear. However, if baby has been practicing playing by themselves and having chunks of separation from parent, the aloneness of napping and bedtime isn’t as startling or scary.

By Hannah Mira, Founder of Bonsoir Bebe Sleep Consulting