Tomorrow is the day I’ve been dreading for a long time. Tomorrow would of been my due date for my the 1st baby I lost. I lost 3 babies last year. 3 pregnancies that ended in a miscarriage for reasons I’ll never understand. Tonight as I’m trying to gather my thoughts I just feel “numb”.

I should be at home right now packing my diaper bag.

I should be anxiously waiting for my water to break.

I should be sitting at home dreaming about what my baby would look like.

I should be imagining the look on my two years old face as she meets her sibling for the 1st time.

I should be smiling as I feel my baby move about inside me.

I shouldn’t be here crying and wondering “why” and “what if”.