Abortion

So last year I ended up pregnant and had an abortion I became beyond depressed automatically almost suicide and I’m not sure what made me react that way. But I decided it was very unhealthy time to have a baby for me unfortunately. I’m currently pregnant now and I don’t feel suicidal I just feel like I want the baby and apart me still feels as if I’m not ready. But there’s days it changes I’m just in a very indecisive time with a partner who is stressed about it he isn’t positive or negative he’s having a selfish moment with himself . which is causing me to go back and fourth with my decision. I still think my last choice was the best for me but I feel like I made a mistake and I just need advice. I already have a child that’s about 8. I talk about a potential sibling and its more of the idea and thought is an absolute NO from my child which makes it even harder sometimes I cry because I don’t wanna make a selfish move.