So this is a little personal so don’t judge. This is what I wrote in notes when I was drowning in anxiety. I don’t know if I like REALLY have it or if it evens matters.

Here is what I wrote:

Today was filled with social anxiety. Someone having an anxiety attack doesn’t mean they are shaking and rocking back and forth. It could be them getting really quiet or grouchy or annoyed. But today I have been on the brink of tears. My breathing is heavy and every human encounter makes me feel sick or I make a mistake in talking. And when something like that happens I feel regret, remorse, and I need time alone. Yesterday I sat there while everyone was singing happy birthday to me I was drowning in a pool of anxiety. I pasted a smile on my face. I smiled. I fooled everyone. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t good at hiding how I feel. In math my teacher puts a lot of pressure on me. And sometimes she asks me questions like what x is or y or z or whatever and when I am somewhere else watching myself say for the hundredth time “I don’t know” and my teacher looks at me and I feel terrible and for the hundredth time she looks at me like I am dirt or like she is disappointed in me. Then she goes onto another person and they answer and she praises them. Listening to music is an outlet for me because as I sit on my couch staring into the setting sun I feel my throat tightening, my head pounding, my stomach churning. I am aware of everything kids laughing, the sound of the trees rustling, the clock ticking. And I put my headphones on and drown out everything with the sound of my music and I type on and on and on about my problems when there are others out there struggle filled with despair. But right now I feel like I am the only one feeling broken feeling used feeling down. When I have anxiety I am shaky. While I am sitting in math, drowning I am thinking of thoughts. I hear my heart beat. I laugh when everyone else is laughing, I complain whenever anyone else is complaining. If I don’t I look weird. Out of place.

Sorry if that didn’t make sense I’m just wondering if I was in a grouchy mood or if I was struggling with anxiety.