What the hell are we doing ....

Aleshia

So it all started in 2011 when I began having sex with this guy . At the time I was 20 and he was 18. So I told him in the beginning I just wanted sex no titles no relationship just sex . So what honestly was suppose to be a one time fuck turned into a every other day fuck then next thing you know he's at my house almost everyday. Now feelings are involved on both ends basically we done got use to being around each other . One random day we talking and he comes out with I love you and for a minute I pause like huh ? He was like yeah I love you so my reaction was do I love him ? I mean I do have alot of feelings for him . So I said it back . Long story short he mad me his girlfriend but you know how soon as you start having titles it starts causing problems . Now I'm getting upset about shit I normally wouldn't trip over . He is too . For example one day I was on his FB page and he was playing this q and a game ( people ask you questions in yo inbox and you post them as a status with the answer but you don't tell who wrote the question ) so this bitch was like when can I suck your dick again and he just but lol . So you know I went to off blocked him off all my social media etc . So he apologized and assured it was a chick from his past blah blah . So fast for we lasted for only a year . I broke up with him and he just started begging til one day the begging stopped he disappeared . Like no contact what so ever and I was in my feelings but eventually got over it. So August 2014 he pops up on my Instagram I add everybody so I ain't even notice it was him until he massage me . Now by this time I done moved out of state but I still come and visit so we get back on to can't wait to see you blah blah it's just sex however my feelings are still there and we both treating each other like we in a relationship . So the time come when we suppose to meet up but that night I'm going to celebrate with my ppl for my cousin bday so I get drunk and hit him up like hey where are you I'm ready to see you and he's like pissed that I'm out drinking etc so we get to arguing and he basically like I don't wanna see you at all . So we stop talking I go back home . August 2016 he pops back up (yes every August for some damn reason) we talk for months get back in our feelings over each other but not in a relationship . It gets back to where if I post something on my Instagram about another dude he will flip the fuck out on me like we are together and of course he knows the right things to say to piss me off . So 2017 I make a trip back to where I use to live we meet up and fuck like the sex was amazing like better then ever before it was like that I miss the fuck out of you sex . I come back home he starts acting distant so I'm like you know what fuck it so I just stop hitting him up for about a month I'm posting all this crazy shit on my Instagram just living my life single and free til one day I post a text this guy texted me about how he wanna eat me out lol cause it was random asf so not even 2 mins after posting it I get this long ass message for the dude I been on and off with talking about I'm disrespecting him by talking to other guys and he don't trust me no more . So at first I was like you playing right like yo ass basically been distant ASF had me feeling like I was a nobody so I fell back and now you wanna hmu talking about you don't trust me yet I trusted you when you lied about the other girls in the past (which he still denies) so he gets me in my feeling cause even though we been on and off I still love him like I still care . So my dumb ass starts begging him for him to trust me (stupid I know) he like naw fuck that you know how dudes can do a million and one things to you but as soon as you do one thing they don't like your the worst person ever . So finally I gave up and just chopped it up at a loss started dating etc . Next thing I know he done went missing again deleted his Instagram and everything and I just left it at that until now. Guess what I moved back to my home town and you know how you not even thinking about a person like you feel like I'm completely over the person. Then somebody bring them up well I have four girlfriends who swear up and down that now that I'm back in town me and this boy is gonna start back up again . So far we have talked even made the attempt to meet and have sex . Hey he's the best I ever had so I'm addicted lol . But I just don't know if it's worth getting my feelings involved again ........