Feeling afraid to test.

Like most I’ve been testing early every month while trying to hold onto a tiny bit of hope that maybe it will be my month. This month I feel very nervous to test. I had an early miscarriage in March of 2018 and all I can think is that I don’t want to know if I’m pregnant until I’m past the timeframe that I miscarried my baby. I feel worried I’m going to stress so much about losing it that I’m going to cause myself to lose it. I’m 8DPO and I’ve convinced myself that I’m not testing until the end of the month, not because I don’t want to but out of fear of losing another one. Am I being crazy? Why do I feel like this for the first time this month? My miscarriage was months ago. Am I off my rocker?? 😕