Over the summer I was in my first relationship. Even thought it didn’t last, It started out nice enough but then things took a turn before I even knew what was happening... one night not long into the relationship, I’d told my boyfriend that I’d call him after dinner. I lost track of time and took a nap and forgot to call him. I woke up to my mom knocking on my door with the house phone, my boyfriend called the house phone to check up on me. Here’s the thing, I’d never given him my home phone number. He said he googled it. We pay extra to make sure our number is unlisted??? But I just ignored my gut instinct that he was creepy and continued on with the relationship. Then he started trying to pressure me into sleeping with him even though I repeatedly told him I wasn’t comfortable with it. He kept saying “but I love you and I wanna show you how much I love you and that’s the only way to show someone you love them” and then he started in with “am I just that ugly to you? Should I kill myself?” Which I never knew how to respond to so I ignored the comment and he said “oh great, so I am that fucking ugly.” He finally manipulated me enough to go down on him a time or two but I hated it and immediately regretted it. I tried to pull away but he would tell me how much he does to make me feel good and how the least I could do was just try this one thing. The only way I could get him to shut up about it was to just jerk him off. Now i can’t tell you how many times I’ll be just sitting and thinking then all of the sudden I think back on how gross I felt when he was holding my hand in place to jerk him off. Like it’s an awful and slimy feeling and I want it to go away but it keeps coming back... has anyone had a similar issue?? I just need to know that at some point this feeling will go away.