I just had the realization that my friend who killed her self 4 years ago will never meet my baby and that is such a horrible feeling. I remember the feeling when I found out and just wanted to go home and cry. I was in my freshman year of high school and just forgot that she was gone one day and waited for her to come into our p.e. class. When I thought that it completely broke my heart and I couldn’t even dress down or do anything that day. She had killed herself on my moms birthday so that day is so hard every year. Hormones definitely don’t help with the thought because my baby will be born a month before it happened and the month he will be born is the month my other friend got killed also my freshman year. I think this year is going to be the hardest because of all the hormones and the fact I will have a brand new baby. 😭 I absolutely miss them both but it’s harder to hold it together now. 💔