My baby was due April 3 and she came January 1. She will be in the NICU until April. Its my last semester of college and too late to drop because I've already paid over 2000 to go and cant get the money back. I'm exclusively pumping because well I cant breastfeed and the lactation nurse makes me feel like I'm not producing enough since I only produce 340 ML a day. I have constant migraines every day since 3 days pp I'm assuming is a stress headache. I've had lizards as pets for 6 years and had to get rid of them because of the risk to my baby which was very emotional for me. I didnt get a baby belly or even gain alot but I feel so insecure about my body and my weight. I'm not motivated to work our or even do anything other than study. I cant stop crying whenever I'm alone and its quiet. I can't relax. Were living at the ronald McDonald house so I cant even feel comfortable in my own bed. Different nurses tell us different things. At first they said that it's rare that they need a heart monitor when they're released and now they're saying babies born at 27 usually need one. They change the stories so often I cant keep up. I feel like if I'm not at the hospital all day I'm a bad mom so I'll forfeit eating or sleeping to be there. I've had strep twice in 20 days. The antibiotics the first time didnt work and I'm still on antibiotics for the second and I feel like itll come back as soon as I'm done. I pump every 2 hours and I'm so sick of it. My whole life revolves around pumping now and theres no where to pump in public but the bathroom but missing one pump is detrimental they say. I'm just so overwhelmed by everything. We tried for two years for this baby and it was going perfect. She was due one month before finals when everything would be done and studying would be the only thing left which would be hard but doable. Now I'm pumping at school and stressed out of my gore. They say stress ruins your milk production and I'm not sure how the hell they expect me to not stress. So does being sick etc. I miss my home and I just want to bring my baby home and go back to a normal life 😭😭😭