I miscarried the end of December, my husband was brilliant throughout, a few days after it happened he brought up the conversation of trying again, told me when I was ready he was. A week or so passed with me thinking about what he said and after the initial shock of everything I decided I wanted to try again, I didn’t want to feel empty anymore. I told him what I was thinking and we both agreed we would start ttc immediately.

However my whole world crashed down last night, we had a petty argument, so petty I don’t even remember what it was about, and then out of the blue he told me he didn’t want to have a baby. He told me it’s not what he wants right now and doesn’t know when he will.

The thing he doesn’t seem to understand is he was the one that got me thinking about trying again, he was the one who told me when I was ready he was waiting! I feel like I’ve not only lost one baby but I’ve lost two because of what he’s saying..

Am I being over dramatic? The thought of eventually having a baby in my arms was what was pulling me through everything, and now I have nothing to stay strong for. Nothing to look forward to. He wants me to be more emotionally invested, but truth be told, I don’t feel anything, I feel completely and utterly numb.

I don’t even know where to go from here.

Sorry about the long post, I needed somewhere to rant.