What not to say
Someone posted this on a group I am part of in Facebook. I though I would share. Although I know people just want to say something anything to make you feel better, sometimes the best thing is to just listen and be supportive.
Things I would recommend you never say to someone who is TTC or has miscarried:
1) Relax and stop trying and it'll happen.(I'm pretty sure you have to have sex to get pregnant, and relaxingisn't going to lower my FSH levels)
2) Maybe it's just not meant to be.(... That's just mean)
3) Oh, you want kids? Take mine!(Really? We're trying very hard to have a baby of our own and you havethe gall to say that? How insensitive)
4) It must be God's will.(Why would a loving God wish such heartache on someone)
5) Why do you want a baby anyways?(Um, gee. Maybe because we want to share the love in our hearts with anew miracle)
6) Why don't you just adopt?( While this is a valid question, it us still very hurtful.)
7) Why are you spending so much money on fertility treatments?(Why are you spending so much money on tattoos and beer?)
8) You're still young, you have time.(You don't know what the doctors have told me, so maybe I really don't"have time") <The ultrasound tech told me this while I was in the ER having a miscarriage.
9) Lose weight and it'll happen.( I've done that. Guess what, I still have PCOS and endometriosis.)
10) Wow, I never had any issue getting pregnant.(Good for you, unless you're offering me some of your fertility, Idon't want to hear that.)
11) I know how you feel. It took us two whole months to get pregnant.(Um.... 2 years and counting here lady...)
12) There was probably something wrong with the baby.(So, not only did I just miscarry, its being implied that I won't havehealthy children? I'd love them anyways)
13) Are you sure you're doing it right?(Uh, yeah. Pretty sure.)
14) It's for the best.(This pregnancy. THIS child was precious and deserved to live and beloved. How insensitive can you be?)
15) At least you already have a kid.(...I have no words for this other than, please stop talking.)
16) I've never had issues getting pregnant or had a miscarriage, but Iunderstand.(No. No you don't.
)17) Calling the lost baby an "it".(The baby wasa person , not an object.)
18) Trying to make us "get over it".(My grieving style is different than yours. Please respect that.)
19) At least you weren't that far along.(Pretty sure I still lost a baby.)
20) At least you know you CAN get pregnant.(...)21) What's taking so long?(Rude... Just rude...)
22) Just settle for being the cool aunt.(I wouldn't call it settling, but I want my own children.)
23)If you're this stressed about TTC, you can't handle a baby.(I'd LOVE that kind of stress.)
24) You're so lucky not to have to deal with the morning sickness and labor.(No one particularly enjoys that, but if that's what it means to havea baby, SIGN ME UP!)
25) Is your husband shooting blanks?(Would you like to know how big he is too??)
26) Please don't think bringing your baby will magically cheer me up.It will most likely make me cry more instead.
27) Please don't compare my loss to someone else's or insinuate myloss is less significant than someone else's.
28) Please don't avoid me after a miscarriage. It makes me feelinvisible or as though the baby didn't matter.
29) Please don't get upset if I get upset, cry or walk away when youtell me you're pregnant.
30) Please don't surprise me in a group of people with news of your pregnancy
Credit- Evie Majin Buu Chang on TTC Our Rainbows FB group
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