WARNING: Long Post. I have decided to share our story. It's helped me a lot to let it all out and I hope that's okay. 💕

Yesterday we found out that we had to say goodbye to our sweet baby. I had some bleeding Monday night and went to my doctors appointment on Tuesday. My boyfriend travels for work and we had said our goodbyes Monday morning, have both his “girls” kisses and went on to the next job site. My doctor was unable to find the heartbeat using the Doppler and said that my uterus was smaller than he would like to see for being 12 weeks. He got me into the soonest ultrasound facility which was Wednesday. I then had the responsibility of letting my honey know that we needed to pray and we needed to pray hard. I called him after my appointment in tears, letting him know the outcome and the next steps. He then told me that the entire civil side (gas work) had gotten laid off and he was in limbo until the 30th to find out if he needs a new job. I felt awful for having to deliver even more worrisome news. But I knew we had to keep faith and pray. I called my mom right after (she recently moved out of the area so I was completely on my own) and she immediately spoke with her boss and got to me as soon as she could. On my way to pick her up for my appointment, my amazingly wonderful boyfriend surprised me. He drove all morning to get to us in time so that I did not have to go through this alone. I felt so overwhelmed I burst into tears as I parked the truck and ran to him. We rushed to the ultrasound facility and got all checked in. The technician took me back and started my intake. I was so upset that she let my honey in early and proceeded. At 10:43 it was confirmed that we no longer had a heartbeat and our little one had stopped growing at 7.5 weeks, one week after our first ultrasound. I was told that I had a missed miscarriage, so my body still thought we were growing our sweet baby. We immediately went to my doctor and talked about options, letting nature take its course or having a DNC done. He went over the risks of letting the pregnancy terminate naturally and I chose to go ahead with the DNC due to the risks and possibility of not being able to have children in the event that a complication occurred. My doctor delivered me, I grew up around him, spending Christmases with his family and I wanted him to be the one to deliver our angel so badly. I have hope that he will still be practicing when our time comes. He pulled some amazing strings and got me scheduled for surgery that same day. I had to have another ultrasound to double confirm that our angel was not growing anymore. The ultrasound tech was so uncompassionate, I feared that the rest of my procedure would be that way. From the moment I got back into same-day surgery, they were so kind to me and made me feel so much better. My entire team from the nurse who administered my IV to the recovery nurses who stayed past her shift to see me off, cried with me and held me, and explained that there was nothing I did wrong or could have done to prevent this. They made this awful experience the best it could have possibly been and I have never felt so taken care of by strangers. Other than my doctor of course. Everything went as smoothly as possible, and I have trying my hardest to be strong, I fear that if I don’t, I will completely fall apart. My boyfriend has been so strong for us and has been taking care of me, but tonight I finally broke down. I was looking at tattoo ideas to remember loved ones and I couldn’t take it. I was so set on being strong that I thought I could handle losing our baby, packing up the baby items we had been slowly collecting, and finding the best way to remember our baby in less than 24 hours. I have this gut feeling that we were having a girl and all night I prayed and I talked to our little girl to explain to not only her but to me why God had to call her home so soon. I don't pray as often as I should but for some reason I knew it would bring me great comfort. I’m choosing to believe that God knew something was wrong with our baby and that she would not have had the pleasure of living the best life she could possibly have on Earth with us. I miss her terribly but I know that she is in a much better place, looking down at us and waiting for our time to meet. I explained to her that when it’s our time to have her siblings, we will always remember our first and we will tell them all about their older sister who we are not lucky enough to meet yet. In some way, it helped me start to process what happened and help our healing process. I now know what a lot of families have to go through every day and I could not imagine the thought of having to go through this alone. Mommy and daddy love you so much sweet girl, we will never forget you and we will think of you everyday. We cannot wait until the day we get to wrap you in our arms and tell you how much we love you sweet girl. 💗👼🏻