My worst fear throughout my pregnancies has happened....yet again! 💔 This is the 3rd baby I have lost....I don't know how many more baby losses I can handle. Appears I lost my lil angel at 8 weeks and I couldn't be more devastated. 😭💔 I was so excited that I finally got another chance at my dream of being a mother come true. I had been hoping for this for an entire year and it came and gone in just 8 weeks! With each loss like this it feels like a piece of me gets taken away with my angels and after this happens so many times it starts to make me feel like pretty soon theres not going to be anything left of me to take from, then what??? I was told I had miscarried the day before christmas but I have been in denial this entire time. But when I went to Kaiser for bleeding after several days it had become too obvious for me to continue lying to myself and then reality hit and it has hit hard. Ive dealt with what i thought was pretty severe depression all throughout my life but this time is different, this level of severity in depression is out of my league of experience. All i do is automatically wander around in glum mode. Super quiet, I am always quiet but usually not this quiet. Closing in on myself and shutting out everyone else that cares. Im either having an anger fit or in tears. I am just so freaking sad. Empty. Broken. Dead inside. Can't smile not even fake a smile something ive always been great at doing, cant laugh, eat, all i want to do is sleep. R.i.p. my angel baby boy or girl, I'm sorry I couldn't bring you in this world. Mommy and daddy love you very much though....

Now i know everyone keeps telling me its not my fault but i just cant help but blame myself somehow. Like maybe if I was a better person I wouldn't be failing at being a mommy. Thanks for listening.