I don’t know where to really start. I recently fell for someone at work. A manager of another department. When I started his office was very close to my cube and I just kind of assigned myself to be coffeemaker because everyone loves how I make it. He used my mug and I would always go and let him know when it was done. One day he asked me if I brought lunch and we walked over to get lunch, which is something that everyone at work does. VP would go to lunch with anyone in any department, everyone is treated amazingly at work, equal treatment for sure. Anyway, that’s besides the point. He is beyond an amazing man, he is literally everything I have ever looked for in a man. Emotionally and mentally supportive. We met at a delicate time when we were both leaving toxic relationships. He is a single father who goes above n behind for his child, who lives in California and we are in NJ! He doesn’t miss a special event he flies out to see her even if just a weekend. Flew out for her first day of school, Christmas play.. etc. I am also a single mother of 2 kids. He’s always telling me how he cannot wait to spoil me, he seems to be well off financially due to what he tells me and I know his income, etc etc.. what I do know is that... his ex and childs mother doesn’t work and has a 3k rent bill every month that he pays partially. He pays his child’s private tuition, pays for her clothing and necessities, and STILL provides child support payments. What do men do in these situations? It’s not a situation like most dead beats where we all empower each other to treat him like dirt because that’s “what he deserves”. She’s not a good mother and I know this for a fact because we communicate everything to each other. He told me of a time when his ex’s dad called him and was like I know ur very involved, and i need you to know what’s going on, and told him that she drops their daughter off to her grandparents for 4-5 days at a time about every other weeks to two weeks, but she doesn’t work, has no income but his child support. How can u afford to live very close to LA, and have no income? I’m not here to bash another woman let alone another single mom because there have been plenty times where I defended her to him when he starts to talk about how she reacts when she’s overwhelmed with their child. I explain to him that as a mom, he can never judge her decisions and how she reacts. Granted, she did leave him and up and left to the other side of the country so she wouldn’t be alone, closer to her parents, and ripped this child away from a loving and capable and willing father. But anyways, side tracked again.. he doesn’t buy himself anything!! I’ve been in his room and he has literally 3 pairs of shoes and one pair of sneakers that he wears every day almost. It KILLS me that he’s so willing to provide for the people closest to him, he always makes sure I’m fed, if I’m in a financially rut, he offers me money, when I was short on rent and almost evicted he asked me why didn’t I tell him sooner. Would it be rude to ask him why he doesn’t shop for himself ? He has like 2-3 pairs of jeans he wears regularly, and 2 hoodies and that’s all. He has one coat that he wears for work which is for suits like a pea coat but he uses that same coat every day, everywhere. I feel so damn bad that he’s funding an extravagant apartment for his ex, when she can easily move elsewhere For cheaper. Sometimes I want to buy him things but I would never want to insult him. I want a man that takes care of himself as well. I don’t need to be taken care of. But what do I do? Should I buy him things that maybe he should wear here n there as random gifts? I dress well and I like to dress up, but I don’t know how to address it. I want to help him build himself like he does to me. We support each other emotionally so well. Help me help my baby!