I'm engaged to be engaged to my amazing boyfriend and the father of my wonderful son. He wants to propose but he doesn't know when, where or how so I dont wear the ring yet.

We laid in bed last night after I finally got the baby to sleep and he played with my left hand. He kissed my ring finger and ever so sweetly said 'the only thing missing is a ring' I smiled and told him I would start wearing it, but he said he wanted to propose the right way. I proc6to ruin the sweet moment by telling him I was terrified of marriage. Not because I was scared of commitment, but because my whole life I watched my mother take the sanctity of marriage and shit all over it. I watched her over and over again cheat on her current husband with her soon to be husband, and being married no more then a year; I watched her do this six times. I watched my sister leave her amazing husband and take their 6 month old daughter for another women and not even bat and eye. I watched my boyfriends parents 15 year marriage end because his mom decided to sleep with her boss. So, I dont have much faith in marriage, but what I didnt tell him is what hurts me the most is how my first two engagements ended. My first engagement was with my first love he was older by almost five years. I had been with him for almost 3 years and I didn't see an end in sight I thought he was the one. It ended just a short year later after a fight and he decided to sleep with my 'best friend' because I was a virgin and wasn't ready to give it up to him. My second engagement was with a guy i had been with for almost 5 years. I was more then in love with him and ready to start a family and get married that following summer. That ended just a few weeks later after he put hands on me and I found out he had cheated on me with his best female friend at a party I begged him not to go to just a few months before he asked me to marry him. I'm assuming he only asked out of guilt now that I've been able to step back and look at it.

I've been with my current boyfriend for two years, and he is more than everything I've always wanted and needed. He would never cheat on me or hit me. We are getting ready to move to Florida to take the next step in our lives. I want to be his wife, I want to be his happily ever after. I'm so in love with him that I'm always lost for words when I try to Express it to him in words. I always know other peoples actions are not mine, and I also know that marriages end because one person gives up and stops trying to fix things when they start to crack; but I can't help but have a sour taste in my mouth about it all.