I'm 7 1/2 months post partum. I have 2 girls, the oldest is 2. I'm finding myself fall deeper and deeper into depression. I have anxiety attacks at least once a week. I keep thinking of dying. Not really killing myself, but just dying in an accident. I feel so guilty/selfish for feeling like death would be an escape from my life. I love my girls so much and I hate that I'm not enough for them.

I am terrified to see a doctor because i don't want to be put on medication. I have no problem with people who choose to take medication but growing up with a mom who was over medicated, lethargic, and barely remembers my childhood has left me afraid of medication.

I have no idea how to get myself out of this. Anyone have any advice?