I come here to write how I feel about the things that go on in my life. I do this because I’m more comfortable knowing that most of the people on here are very supportive and have very good advice. I also would rather having some strangers hear me rant than the people I know so I don’t get messages from friends asking me what is wrong and just overwhelming me with questions. I know they care but sometimes I just want to keep some of my personal life to myself. Even though I put my problems here.

I am going through an extremely hard time in my life for many they may not understand but the way I feel and the way I think it just is destroying me and my mental health. I have not been a full time student for a year now and this is my first semester back going full time. I’m also playing lacrosse for my school. On top of that I am working two jobs. My mom is sick with stage four cancer and a couple weeks ago my boyfriend of a little over a year broke up with me which happened without any signs or warnings. This is really what hurt me.

We have taken a break before but after a week or two we got back together and everything was great we had no problems and we were happy together. At least that’s what I thought until one night he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and that he wanted to focus on school and sports. He didn’t want any distractions. This hurt me because I know I didn’t do anything wrong but I feel that I did and I also didn’t see myself as much of a distraction. I didn’t ask for much and I wasn’t really causing any issues or interference with his work. It’s been two or three weeks and I can’t stop thinking about it. I cry almost everyday, it’s sad but I can’t control it. We get alone still and have no problems it frustrates me so much. He was the one thing keeping me happy and motivated to do my best in school work and life in general. He taught me so much and I just don’t see me getting over this. I’ve tried to move on but I always get sick and panic and didn’t seem right. I’ve tried to find distractions and they only last so long. Everyday i think about him finding someone else and forgetting about me. I’ve been very depressed ever since this happened and I just feel like I won’t be able to be happy again. Sometimes I feel that we will get back together and I fear that we won’t. I just care so much about this man and I still will do anything for him None of this may make sense but I just can’t keep it to myself anymore it’s making me crazy and when I try to talk to him about it I just get more upset. He’s my best friend and I’m scared to lose him.