Childhood abuse posting anon because I’m so insecure about it all

I don’t exactly know why I’m doing this but it’s late and I can’t sleep and I sorta wanna get it off my chest this is something not lot of people know so here we go growing up I was a very happy child living with my grandparents mum was never really around she was always out partying and doing drugs she had me at 15 and didn’t want to give up her party life to raise me when I turned 7 she came to get me so I was like yes my Mums finally here for me I get in the car and her and her gf drive 3 hours to their house and the first night everything was fine nothing was weird at all and I can’t exactly remember when it started but her gf started abusing me and her really bad used to beat us all the time she was a really big girl and could throw her weight around she used to abuse us so bad used to beat me till Id pass out and sit on me and watch me cry with her hand over my mouth so the neighbors couldn’t here my mum was afraid of her so we stayed she threatened to kill me if mum tried to leave and there were times she would make mum beat me while she watched she threw a bong at my head when I was 8 because her and mum were fighting and I had glass in my head mum had to pick it out because we were not allowed to go to the hospital we were trapped but I also didn’t understand at the time my mum was a bad drug addict and when I started going to school all the other kids would bully me because of my dirty clothes it only got worse when my abuser started making me eat a lot so I could be fat like her she enjoyed telling me I was a nobody and a nothing as a little boy I believed it I believe I deserved what I was getting as I got losing she made me clean the house cook the food and if one thing was out of order she would beat me so badly and make me sleep outside my mum would just look at me and say I’m sorry and cry she even stomped my Christmas presents in front of me when I was 12 because she hit mum and I tried to push her away the when mum tried to run away with me that day she tried to run us over and forced us back in the car I told my school principal what was happening and he called her and asked her if it was true and sent me back to her where I got the biggest beating I’ve ever had and was told if I ever tried it again me and mum would be killed when mum was at work she would get me to strip naked and sleep next to her in bed while she was naked aswell I can’t possibly write everything that happened in the 7 years she abused us but all I can say is it’s true and it has fucked me up so bad mentally I ran away to my grandparents when I was 14 and mum got out after I left my Mum isn’t the same and doesn’t show love to me after all this my nan passed away 3 years ago I’m now 20 and if it wasn’t for my gf I don’t think I’d be here I’m sorry this post is long and might not make since it’s late and it’s just me writing what I can’t stop having panic attacks over it