i know this probably won’t get much attention but I really just need some support right now. This is long, so I hope you’ll stay to read at least some of it and offer words of advice or support.

Just a little background info, my bf and I have been together for 2 years, the first of that was long distance. I moved to his state In July to be with him and we’ve been living together ever since. Before I moved out here and The first 4 months we were living together, he had a full time job but was laid off in sept. Since then I’ve been the only one paying for all our expenses. He’s an alcoholic too so I’ve been the one buying his daily 40oz. And cigarettes. I’ve tried so hard to be supportive but he has put a financial strain on me and lacks self awareness to see that and also lacks the “do whatever it takes” attitude that I have as a single parent (he is also a dad but his mom does most of the caring of his daughter) so it’s hard being the one that works (I work from home) and he’s just on his butt all day on my PS4, and consuming everything I pay for. It’s been 4 months of him being out of a job, and he confided in me today before the fallout that he keeps getting denied for jobs because of his criminal record, he’s very insecure about himself and his ability as a man to provide. But he has the most unhealthy counterproductive ways of coping and dealing with it. He drinks to deal with his pain, and then once he’s numb the hurt, gets pissed and angry and self righteous and stops caring about anything. He literally says that I’m mean to him, but his version of “mean” is me requesting that he be considerate of the household he’s in and maintain it’s cleanliness and conserve the utilities. This isn’t unreasonable. I wouldn’t be so tight about it if he too was contributing to the bills but it’s all my income so I have to watch those kinds of things. I’m an asshole for it though. I remind him, and I’m the jerk. Any way. I just really need support he got all aggressive and in my face tonight, it’s the first night he’s drank in like a week since I’ve been broke af after taking care of all the responsibilities. So I haven’t been able to buy him booze. He got a bottle today though thanks to his dad sending him money so he could get his truck fixed.... like I can’t reiterate enough that he’s not that bad to deal with, when he’s not drinking. But the booze sends him off. So he gets his booze today and I just KNEW we were going to get into it. He gets in this one particular mood when he’s drinking that’s just fucked up and sadistic. He plays games like does crazy shit, and then as soon as he spurs a reaction, he calms down and pretends that I had no reason to begin with to be acting so “emotional” when he’s the one that went off to begin with. He makes little degrading comments when you say something, and acts smug. I’m not trying to bash him, but I do need support.... this shit isn’t okay, even if I love him. I need to remind myself of this often. I’m drawing the line in the sand today. I’m kicking him out and he can’t come back. I KNOW I’m doing the right thing. But it also still hurts and feels wrong. I’m 16 weeks pregnant, so I’m scared to do this pregnancy and raise a baby on my own. But I also know this environment isn’t healthy, for baby or me.

It just blows my mind that IM the problem in his world. The functional adult that works full time and doesn’t have problems getting things in my name. The one without a dui and assault charge, those two things combined have caused him rejection from so many jobs. The one who’s patient and loving and understanding, clearly to a fault since I’ve allowed it to get this bad for myself! Like I want to support him and love him, but I’m not his mother and can’t coddle him. I can’t help who won’t help themselves. And as much as it breaks my heart I can’t have him in my life anymore. Honestly ladies any words or experiences you can share, that I can look back on when I’m feeling weak, would be forever appreciated. I’m strong right now, but I know myself and that won’t last. Tell me how you guys got away from the codependent alcoholic in your life, if you’ve been there. Let me know how you guys recovered, because even though I’m doing great on paper, I’m not feeling great In my heart or head 😞