Please help? 😭😭

So last night a guy that I’ve been talking for the past month asked me to be his girlfriend. Although I was delighted, I felt as if I didn’t want to be in a relationship Rn for many reasons. Although, I like this guy a lot and he is the first and only guy I can see myself with in the future. Firstly, I’m only 17 (he’s 18 turning 19) and I feel as if I haven’t lived my life yet and made the most of my teenaged years which is something I wanted to do this year. I really wanted to start having fun and just doing what I want as I just graduated high school and finally in the real adult world. And I feel like I won’t be able to do so whilst in a serious committed relationship as I would have to constantly worrying about his opinions and feelings. Secondly, I really wanted to focus on myself this year. I wanted to focus on my own self improvement both physically, spiritually and mentally. And becoming the person I want to be. I feel as if I can’t do this whilst in a relationship because I would be constantly having to worry about both myself and Another individual as well. Thirdly, I don’t love myself at all. I have low self-esteem, low confidence and severe anxiety. And with these issues, I feel like I won’t be able to love him or give him the love and treatment he requires and deserves. Because I believe I must be able to love myself before I can love someone else and in this case I do not. Fourthly, I’ve never met him in person or ever seen him in a photo at least although he’s seen me in photos. When I asked him for a photo last time he refused to send me one but I let it slide. I feel as though people should meet first, go on dates and establish a bond and connection Beyond just telephone conversations. although I like him my feelings for him are not deep and I feel bad. He sounds like he’s deeply in like for me. I don’t feel deeply because we’ve only been talking for 1 month, I don’t know what he looks like so I can’t be physically attracted to someone I’ve never seen. Fifthly, the idea of a long distance relationship scares me, we live in the same country but different states. Sixthly, he just got out of a relationship(last year in July) with his first love. I feel like I’m a rebound because he said her and I are very alike. I also feel as if I’m a rebound because he’s trying to make me his girlfriend after ONE MONTH of talking on the phone. So he doesn’t even know me that much to even like me to a great depth because I haven’t even opened up to him yet as we’re still getting to know one another. In comparison, him and his ex were talking for around 5 months before he asked her out. At that point they had met, they were already best friends and knew everything about each other, and in great like for one another. He believes it took 5 months because she was the one to pursue so it took longer to fall for her but he was the one that pursued me so he was in great like instantly, which I don’t believe is true. I also found out this morning he called his ex after asking me out as I fell asleep. Which makes sense as he was say to me “are you gonna go to sleep now”, “I’ll call you in 15 minutes I need to listen to music” and just trying to get me off the phone. yesterday after he asked me out. Which makes sense because he was trying to get me off the phone after I wasn’t giving him an answer. Seventhly, I told him I don’t want to lose my virginity to someone I’m not in a relationship with. So I feel as if he’s trying to rush as so he can take it then leave. I also have never been in a relationship and I don’t feel like I’m ready to be in one as of right now. He wants to settle down, have kids ect. Because he’s already had his fun over the years and is ready for a full on adult relationship but I don’t feel like am. I have goals I want to accomplish and task I need to complete over the next 5 months at least. And unfortunately being in a committed relationship was not on the agenda. Yesterday, When he asked me, I felt like he was pressuring me to say yes even though I didn’t want to. He said he’d be heart broken if I said no and we would most likely stop talking. I don’t know what to do. Should I say yes and try and improve myself whilst being in a relationship? Should I take the next 5 months at least to focus on myself whilst continuing to talk to him? I wish I met him later in the year because then I’d be able to love him because I’d be the person I want to be and I would love myself also. Truthfully, I feel like cutting him off completely, focusing on myself for 5 months then trying again because if it’s meant to be it’ll be and if it’s God’s plan then it’ll be. But then I don’t want to lose him and I fear that I will because he’s someone I want to spend the rest of my life potentially. What should I do? Please remember he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. Just by the things he says and his mentality. He’s very mature for his age and different to the generalised players in which my generation is filled with and doesn’t hold the negative ideologies in which may generation is built upon.

Btw, I do have feelings for him and losing him will hurt me just as much as him.