It's all my fault.

I found out i was pregnant last year june excited but afraid. My (now)husband and i just got together i had 3 kids from previous relationships. A single mother with a 4m 1y and 5yrs at the time. We both just lost our cars my guy was out of work I was the only one working it was a LOT of pressure so At 8 wks i made to decision to end the pregnancy. We were just starting off both of us 21 at the time. Fast forward My husband and I been married for 5 month's we settled into our own apartment. Im a stay at home mom. we still don't have a car but my husband makes good money so were good. We want a baby and have been trying for 3 months and I've had chemical pregnancy. Nothing else I chart, use ovulation sticks, pre seed, musinex... nothing but bfn after bfn after bfn and i just feel like fuck this is my punishment I should have never done what I did. The baby was supposed to be due next month feb.2019 and it hurts so much im so sorry little baby. I hope god can forgive me and give me another chance to be a mother and have my first child with my husband.