I have never been successful at breastfeeding, but with my third? I want this so bad! Unfortunately, the commitment and demnad is wearing on me.

The beginning was rough for my little man. He was born semi face presentation after a 65 hour labor! He was also having withdrawals from my anti depressant. (Which was fully discussed with all my doctors, the best decision was to keep me on it) So by time he was 4 days old, we were back in the hospital for his weight loss and jaundice. Nurses and doctors failed to mention with all the IV fluid he was exposed too during my labor, it would make him retain water too. I assumed nursing was going well because he was peeing and pooping. Ultimately he was just a tired boy with no energy to nurse.

While at the hospital, we supplemented with formula after feeding him my pumped breastmilk. When we got home, I began pumping and would give him that milk. The hospital told me to pump for only 20 minutws every 2 to 3 hours. Then over the next few days, he was having awful diarrhea. His little bottom was eaten raw, I couldn't even keep up with the changes. I made a doctor appt and she told me it was most likely my breastmilk.

I started talking to my friend about quitting BF. She talked me into exclusively pumping. It has been ok. His bottom cleared up and diarrhea stopped. I believe it was his billi coming out after photo therapy. But I have a major supply and demand issue. I follow what the hospital says and I get varrying amounts. My left breast only produces 1/3 of my right. After 20 minutes, I get 1.5oz to 2.5oz between the two. My friend tells me I should be pumping for like 45 minutes, 10x a day. There is literally no way I could swing this.

Now, my little boy is eating 3 to 4oz, mostly 3oz, and my breastmilk supply just cant keep up. He won't latch anymore either. I strictly follow the pumping schedule. I pump 2x to get 1 bottle. I am overwhelmed. I think about what wilm happen when I return to work too.

I unfortunately am being very hard on myself about giving up. I do not want too even though it is probably the best decision. My husband is supportive with whichever I choose. I am just lost.