I really need some advice and guidance. I have been a Christian for about 1 1/2 years. Not yet baptized. When I met my now husband 5 years ago, I did not believe in God at all. He did and it took me around 2 or 3 years to believe in God myself. Then I started reading a bible, praying etc. About a year ago I fully committed to believing in God and jesus and the bible and the holy spirit. I do have some doubts some days but I try to live like a Christian as much as possible. I just am struggling at the moment with guilt.

I use to watch porn for no other reason but just enjoying watching people have sex and it was a turn on (weird, I know). But once I fully committed to God. I knew that was a sin that needed to stop. I struggled on and off with it and told my husband about it. And prayed alot that God would help me not feel the temptation. And for a long long time it worked! But recently during a night of drinking, I watched porn. I felt so much guilt the next day and promised I wouldn't do it again. I blamed the alcohol and moved on. But today I watched it again.. no alcohol, no excuses. I knowingly, and deliberately sinned. Now I'm just sitting here with so much guilt and terrified that I have lost my salvation. I have sinned I'm other ways before and those are things I will live with forever. But this is a different type of guilt I feel. Maybe because it was today, and I know what I did was so wrong. I just dont know if me being sorry or feeling guilt is enough in the eyes of the lord. I'm scared he doesn't want to know me now or that I'm going to hell. I'm going to talk to my husband about it tonight. But I just need some guidance, some advice.

Anything would be appreciated!