How can I love him so much but hate him so much...

Is there anyone out there that goes though something like I do?

So my father has been financially very generous to me, I am an only child to be noted. But he treats me so badly. I would do anything for him, and by anything I mean drop anything, sacrifice anything, give as much of my time as needed, pay fo anything, take his side on anything.

Don’t get me wrong I am no push over, I do this out of love for him, I have done well financially and so does my husband. I’m not very close to my mother and she lives overseas- they’re divorced. He even asked me not to marry my husband, this was one of the things I did for me because I can’t do everything to please him. I must steer my life the way I feel I should.

The issue is this, when he doesn’t get his way or is irritable and I do something that is purely innocent, I.e try and help him with something, even though I say something totally ordinary he turns it into something like I’m totally stupid or I’m an asshole. I try calmly say can we talk about this because I didn’t think that was necessary and he totally blows up and gets way worse.

He has only ever apologized to me once in his life. He is super stubborn and I do get a lot of that from him, but I’m still not as hot tempered. He just thinks the world owes him everything. But I can’t live like this anymore I’m so tired of writing apologies to him and we just carry on like nothing happened.

The sad thing is something happened today where again I calmly walked away and I called my mom thinking she might be the only one to understand and she cut me off to talk about her plumbing issues.

Exactly what happened today. My dad was trying to reorder the cctv camera order on the app because they are in a mixed up order. He said he does it on the app but when he closes the app they revert back to before. So I replied yes they are very all over the place, camera number 6 should be first. He started going crazy at me saying he didn’t ask me to repeat the question. Why can’t I just answer the question? I have the attitude of an asshole, I waste so much of my time rambling about shit and I should just f$&k off because I’m useless.

My reply was calm and I said can we just take a moment to discuss what just happened? It’s really not ok with me, and it’s important to me that we sort this out. He continued swearing at me and told me to piss off. I told him it’s not ok to control my responses and grammar etc like that, that’s how I respond to his question. If you want me to respond only the way you want then I won’t even be my own person.

So I left and here I am typing this to you, in the hopes of some constructive criticism or just a simple “I understand”. My husband and I were supposed to be having dinner at my fathers house but I messaged my SO and told him we won’t be joining my dad for dinner, I will make dinner tonight.

What would you do?