Why cant I end things with my babydaddy..

Yes, it's a long read.

It seems simple.. but it's not.

I want to leave him. I left him once but he came back into my life.

Our son isn't born yet (die July 5th) and hes stated that if we aren't together he doesnt want to be in our sons life. I know, red flag 🚩

He's already got a 4 year old son who he barely sees / takes care of. Never pays anything and if he does it's like 20-40 every few weeks. Second red flag 🚩

We lived together for 3 months and it was probably the best yet worst time of my life. I was finally out of my mom's house and supporting myself. That was.. until he caused me to lose my job 🚩 and had me spend all my money because he was spending his on drugs 🚩...

He was mean. Very mean alot of the time. If he didn't have dope he'd get physical with me 🚩

While we were together I had no idea he was on drugs. I just assumed he lied about how much he made 🤷‍♀️ he was known for lying.

Our sex life was great. It's how I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship 🙄

I had to call the cops on him before. He was taken to jail 🚩.

Now he's trying to change. He wants me and our family so badly he says.. he won't let us go.. but I just don't see it. I don't see a life with him. I see a life without him nd I'm really really happy..

He's the only person I have to talk to other than co-workers but I only talk to them when I'm working.

It's toxic still but not as bad. I know that doesn't mean he won't go back to how he was.. he stopped smoking weed for about a month and has now started back. He still talks to the people who got him into harder drugs(meth) and I feel like it'll just return to how it was.

I do talk about this to my coworkers and they all tell me to leave him.

My family hates him and will never approve of me being there him. I myself know there's better.

I'm not wanting to stay with him because of our son. I believe he'd be better off growing up not knowing his father honestly.

Ive tried breaking it off with him so many times yet fall victim to him begging and pleading and saying he's going to change... I feel like I only want him for sex anymore... I don't like kissing him unless it's during sex or just after. I don't want to cuddle anymore and I just simply don't find him attractive anymore..

I continue to say I love you and that we're going to work on is even though I don't quite believe that.

I just.. I guess I keep hoping he'll become man he made me believe he was in beginning. Our relationship for the first 3 months was based on lies and no trust. There's still no trust in either side..

I know things aren't going to work... I feel like I'm leading him on. I fact I know I am... But I'm jealous of the fact that another girl could have him if I truly did leave... I feel f*cked up rn