To all the women out there who have gone through multiple miscarriages

I had a long road after I had my first, I was supposed to 16 weeks pregnant to only find out he had passed away. It crushed me! I wanted another baby so bad especially a boy! I’ve honestly lost count how many more miscarriages I had I believe 4 total maybe 5. A couple being twins. After many DNC’s we kept trying. I never knew or thought to worry about my baby developing or having a heart beat. Well after the first I was a wreck not only did I have to have two DNC’s after the first they didn’t get everything I ended up hemorrhaging. I definitely got ptsd from it. Never allowing myself to get excited expecting yet another loss. My fiancé became numb shut off emotionally, we have a complicated history. I ended up pregnant this last time I’m now 36 weeks and having my baby boy next week. I was followed closesly with ultrasound from 6 weeks on by a MFM doctor. I got so many labs taken ultra sounds every 3 weeks. Still thinking even now what if my baby doesn’t make it. He’s nothing but healthy. I haven’t fully allowed myself to get excited because of the fear. What if his heart stops or his umbilical cord wraps around his neck. Never able to relax. Counting kicks daily and listening to his heart beat with my Doppler. I am high risk because I developed pre e again this time sooner. I get lab testing done twice a week, ultrasounds weekly and nst 2 times a week. I can’t say I’ve enjoyed my pregnancy because I’m miserable and in pain. Also worried for the last 8 months constantly. But I will get to meet him next week!!my point is your not alone if this is you. I don’t talk to anyone about it except my gyn. Which it took a lot of gyns until I found the right one. Funny thing is she will be induced one day before me!so we will probably be in the hospital together. Find someone who supports you and doesn’t try to dum it down. know that even if you’ve suffered many miscarriages it can happen. We had a rainbow baby shower and that was just perfect.good luck mamas.