On the Fence

Honestly, if you have even a shred of doubt don't have kids.

I never really thought about having kids, better yet getting married. But here I am with a 1 year old, an amazing husband and have my second baby on the way. To be honest, it’s all been the best part of my life. There’s just so much love in my life now from my own little family. I never knew the kind of love I could feel for my son, it’s an all consuming achy love lol. If a small part of you wants to have kids I think you should... just stop trying and stop preventing and see what happens. I don’t know a single momma that could say they regret having kids because you just love them to your bones.

Do it. Have a kid!

What you’re describing sounds like something I’ve been dealing with called anticipatory anxiety. Not sure which turn to take before I even reach the fork in the road. I can relate!A lot of people in life will tell you that “doubt means don’t,” but I call bs on that philosophy most of the time. I think doubt is just a sign post to look at things more critically, which you’re doing. To me, your uncertainty just means that you’re looking at this possible huge life change with clear eyes, acknowledging all of the potential outcomes on either end of the spectrum. I wish more people would do that!It makes perfect sense that you’re questioning things, and i hope you go easy on yourself while you’re in this point in your journey. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling neutral at the moment. I was unsure about kids until last year when I was 35, when some big changes happened with my family and I started looking at things a little differently. I became more curious about parenthood. Still not 100% in the camp of “I must procreate!” but more in the “hmmm maybe I’d be okay at parenting? And maybe I’m ready for a change, to give my energy to a kid if given the chance?” At this point, I’m surrendering to whatever ends up happening, kid-wise. I’ll build a life I love either way. But to be honest, I’m still somewhat neutral. I know it would be a life-changer and I like my life. But I’m giving it a go for now regardless, because I’m curious about the potential.Maybe give yourself time to get clearer on:1.) where your uncertainty is coming from. What’s underneath it? Is it fear? And...2.) what are you most curious about it your life right now? Wherever your curiosity goes, I’d follow that.The older I get, the more I just want to punch fear in its stupid face. It’s held me back a lot. Maybe it’s okay to not be 100% sure about something and do it anyway. Good luck to you in whatever side of the fence you end up! :)

I somewhat felt the same way...not really sure, but not really wanting regrets either. I don't have anything against kids, but I just still feel "too young to have them" I'm 38 and will be having my first in April. Emotionally I've had a lot of ups and downs, it's hard changing my life so dramatically especially when I'm a very independent person. My husband and I are starting to get really excited (and overwhelmed) as the time gets closer. I think my momma bear rage is even worse since I'm old 😂🤣 but ultimately I think this was a great choice for me and my husband. It's a new adventure

I was definitely a whatever happens happens person. I never felt like I HAD TO have a child. But I knew I’d be a great parent. My husband and I just decided to stop pulling out and see what happens. Pregnant now and turning 40 next month. I feel good about it. I would have been happy either way but I’m excited about the new adventure ahead.