POSTING THIS JUST INCASE SOMEONE NEEDS TO READ THIS 🙌🏽

This is for anyone currently questioning if they should leave their abusive partner.

How to safely plan to leave an abusive relationship;

Banking;

- Open a new bank account with a new bank, ensure that statements are online only and to a new email address that isn't linked to your phone or any existing emails.

- Pick up the card from the bank and hide it well. Amongst the abusers things is usually safe, as they won't go looking there. Otherwise under the sole insert in a shoe, unused board game, at work, in the lining of your bras, the washing powder box, there are many places. But if you live with an abuser, I am sure you have a good hiding spot already.

- Do not download the banking app to your phone!

Start putting what you can in that account. Any birthday money from friends or family, an unnoticeable amount from your wage (talk to work/centrelink), don't transfer to this account yourself, do everything via cash deposits; and for any change you find around the house - a 600ml bottle of coke full of 2 dollar coins will save $1000

- ANZ, Westpac and commonwealth will give you $1000 in Visa cards and a new phone to help you escape dv, but only if you are a customer there for at least 6 months. If you are not already, set up your account at one of those places and make a 7 month plan.

- If you have debit/credit cards, report them stolen once you leave so the abuser can't access them once new numbers are provided.

- Finances to rely on are a must to ensure you don't break and run back to fake promises, be realistic about how much you'll need to survive on and cut budget to make that goal.

Phone;

Buy a cheap phone for under $50 and a spare sim, set that up and hide it, fully charged. You will need this when you turn your main one off to ensure he can't contact or track you, it doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to work!

Possessions;

- Start sending important things that won't be noticed missing to loved ones, work or storage. Things like photos, jewellery, ID, passport, birth certificates, copies of leases for identification purposes etc and not all at once, this is over time.

- For any clothes you can't carry in a bag, but you want to keep. Do a “clean out”, say you are donating them and get them somewhere safe, if your abuser has to go with you, dropping them at a donation box and organising to have a friend there waiting to grab it once you leave is a good idea.

- If you can, start selling things worth value that you don't need and will not be noticed as missing, put that money in your new account. Even $15 for your old CD collection will help in the long run.

Work;

- If you work, tell your boss what is happening so that they can be understanding for when the time comes, and also so the abuser can't sweet talk information out of your colleagues and workplace.

- Some workplaces provide paid DV leave, or you could take it under compassionate leave.

- If you work for a corporation, ask for a transfer to a new town in advance and let them know what you're currently doing.

- If not, have your working hours randomized for a while to ensure you don't have a continuous or steady work schedule so your abuser can't stalk you to follow you to your new home.

Centrelink;

Let centrelink know of your plans and fill out any necessary paperwork required for your future change of circumstances. If you are moving to single parent payments, get the ball rolling as it can take a few weeks to finalise on their end. And make sure all correspondence is sent to your new secret email address.

Family and friends;

You may have lost some by this point, but that doesn't mean that they won't try and help you. Reach out, help is necessary, especially if kids are involved.

Housing;

- every state department of housing has a domestic violence department that will find you free motel accommodation away from your abuser, and help link you in with gaining a department house (if eligible)

- If you are currently on a lease, talk to the agent privately as they can help you getting off it.

- Start looking for somewhere once you know you are almost ready, the first agent may be able to help with this.

- Find donation groups to help you set up. If you put it out to Facebook, have someone else act for you, otherwise it will be an easy way for the abuser to track you.

- Talk to churches, salvos, anyone that helps in this instance. If you have children, you will be fast tracked.

- Move in with family or friends

- Talk to a refuge if the above options won't work

DO NOT LOSE FOCUS, you are much closer to freedom than you think.

Police;

Let the police know of your plan in case something goes wrong. Show them any and all photos and messages you've managed to keep, they'll use them with your statement for a DVO! They also help you get the remainder of your things at a later date.

Also file for a dvo, it doesn't have to have a start date to it put in place until you are out and safe!

Kids;

- If you have kids, you either take them with you at the time, or have someone you trust to do it.

- If they are at school, you need to let the school know in advance so that the abuser can't collect them from there, ever.

- You also need to get them out of that school early and not keep to your normal routine.

- Change schools if you need to.

- This advice includes preschool

- no, the kids do not need the abuser and are definitely better off with you, and no contact.

Animals;

If you have pets talk to your local RSPCA or Re homing group as they will find a free foster carer to care for you animals until you are settled.

Planning your escape date;

Find a day that the abuser will be away for a few hours. Be nice leading up to the event but not overly more than usual, plan the weekend, dinner etc. This will keep the abusers paranoia low, they will think they have you right where they want you.

Packing;

Don't pack unnecessary crap!

You don't need more than one brush, you don't need your toiletries - they can all be replaced.

ESSENTIALS ONLY! Bags are heavy.

You want to be hours ahead before the abuser realises what's happened.

Do not linger, that home is not your happy place GTFO.

Leaving;

- By now you should have money in your accounts and a new phone. Your kids and pets organised, your irreplaceable belongings should be safe elsewhere, and you should know exactly where you are headed once you close the door on this chapter of your life.

- Leave all vehicles!! Take public transportation when you leave, bus, uber, taxi, train, or a friend's car that your abuser doesn't know about, that way they can't drive by and find your new location by your registration number.

Once you are out;

- Change all internet banking passwords

- Change all social passwords

- Change all the email addresses linked to your social accounts to the secret one you set up

- Change PayPal passwords etc

- Block on all social media

- Block the abusers number

- Turn that phone off and turn on the spare phone

- Contact anyone you need to from the new phone and keep your number on private

- Change your name on social media along with your profile picture (something generic)

- Block anyone who is friends with both of you

- Get a PO Box and get your mail redirected

- organise for recovery of any vehicles in your name that were left behind, and for new registration plates.

The abuser is the most dangerous when they realise they have lost control of their favourite possession (you).

- Changing all of your social media settings and names (dropping your last name and only using first and middle name, or alternate name) is a must, as it is too easy to find anyone these days.

- If the abuser still finds you, close down all accounts (even temporarily), you can start fresh ones.

- The abuser will try anything and everything, even suicide threats to get your attention. Do not fall for the games as the abuser is just craving any information on your whereabouts to feel like they are gaining some control back, IT IS NOT REAL! They WILL NOT go through with the threats of suicide.

- It is vital that you cease all contact until you are strong enough to not believe the bullshit that the abuser will use to lure you back. Gaslighting, manipulation, and more, you need to educate yourself and know it is bullshit, do not sprinkle glitter on your feelings. You are worth more than that!

- it is okay to need therapy and help to get through this afterwards, you're not expected to heal overnight ✨