I wish I could say I never saw this coming but unfortunately I have seen it coming for awhile now. That’s why I have built the walls up and armed the troops around my heart, my life mind and body can’t handle another breakdown. I’ve had two major ones in this marriage and a third will be the end of me and I still have to maintain my sanity for children. I love you beyond words but I have never in my life witnessed anyone else slowly rip everything away slowly and piece by piece. Each time asking for just “ a little bit more” until eventually you have chipped away everything. You say this is all for the sake of time being spent together but every time you do a single thing that you say takes something off “MY” plate (not “OUR” plate) for us to spend time together, you expect something in return instantaneously. Even if you were let’s say “helping” someone (which isn’t what you should consider cleaning and helping around a house you live in and are half responsible for) you always expect something back, doesn’t that contradict everything we were taught growing up? You help others with no expectations that they could ever return the favor because it’s what makes you a good and decent person. Not saying you should let anyone run over you, obviously.

When did holidays and birthdays become burdens instead happy fun times spent together with family making beautiful memories? When did our children’s activities become mundane pointless burdens instead of proud parent moments that we cherish together because we are raising well rounded active young adults? When did supporting our families through sickness and death become a burden and a chore instead of time to show our love and compassion?

Where did our marriage values get so off line from one another?

Has our love for one another made us blind to the fact that we are not meant for each other? Is it true that we really see life this much differently?

Was the man you were those few weeks real? Or did I imagine him in my head? Or do you honestly feel like I don’t deserve him?

I know my affair added the weight that finally sunk the ship, but please don’t fool yourself into believing it wasn’t already barely afloat from the added weight of your affair and constant hole drilling on all the other things you “found” wrong. (But never felt the desire or responsibility to work together to fix, only wait on me to fix it and then criticize my efforts or lack there of)

Will this ever truly be a team effort where compromises are made so we both win and are number one together or will it always be about you having to be number one yourself?

Can anyone else relate?!? I’m at a loss.