Unappreciative sister, or am I being unreasonable?

My younger sister(25) & her son(3) moved in with me, my fiancé & our daughter(5) about 5 months ago. She didn’t have a job at first so we came to the agreement that her car, which was just sitting waiting to be sold at her baby fathers house would be sold to us to cover her first 3 months of rent. She doesn’t have her license or a permit either.

She finally got a job after we had to push her along the way. Then we all came to an agreement & decided that she would pay $600 a month in rent. That includes a bedroom for her & her son, everything else in the house that she needs & all utilities. We give her rides anywhere she needs to go such as to work, grocery shopping, doctors appointments, etc..

Her manager hired her for 1st shift but kept putting her on 3rd or 2nd, meaning I have to watch my nephew some really crazy hours & still have to be up in time to get my daughter on the bus. I believe he has a mild form of Autism. I’m no doctor but I’ve been watching him & seeing some signs. He cries A LOT. It’s been interfering with my daughters sleep schedule. Her behavior has changed a lot since they moved in as well. My daughter is normally VERY well behaved. She’s very mature for her age. She’s such a smart girl & such a sweetheart, but lately she’s been throwing tantrums like my nephew.. I’ve been trying to keep the peace & things consistent for her but it’s been like walking on egg shells in my own home. Now, don’t get me wrong.. I love my sister & my nephew, but I wasn’t expecting it to be like this. I’m not one to give up on Family, but my daughter comes 1st.

I’ve also been watching my sister with my nephew & I don’t feel like he’s being cared for properly. I told her he should be seen by a specialist to rule out any issues, which anyone who is around him would suspect he has. She gets defensive & acts like nothing is wrong. I know it’s scary wondering if something is wrong with your child, but something like this needs to be addressed sooner than later. He throws very aggressive tantrums with hitting & biting. He is practically non verbal only saying a handful of words. My sister has no interest in potty training him. She just watches go poop in his diaper because she is too lazy to get off her phone. When he has a pee pee diaper she doesn’t even wipe him. Pee is acidic & can cause diaper rashes.

He has severe asthma. She smoked while she was pregnant with him. Now, I’m not one to judge anyone let alone my own sister, but she doesn’t want to own that any of her actions or decisions effect/ed her son. She yells at him a lot, cursing every time. She doesn’t try to teach him anything. I have to push & remind her to make appts for him. My Fiancé & I have been trying to work with him the best we can. He’s with us 50%+ of the time. The difference in him is night & day when he is with us. He listens & is much more calm. We’re tough on him, but still loving. He adores us & respects us. He needs structured discipline.

With all this going on my fiancé told my sister that she needs to start paying me to watch him while she’s at work. That it’s not fair to me to watch him all the time for free.. I agree. She told us that if we lowered the rent she could pay me... which doesn’t make sense at all. My fiancé & I decided that $50 a week is more than fair. She threw a fit. The last place she lived was with her best friend. She didn’t work. She watched her friends 2 kids while she worked. They slept in the living room. The place before that they slept in the living room paying $600 a month in rent when she did have a job & said she didn’t complain. I feel like she should be grateful for all we are doing for her & her son. I’ve sacrificed a lot for her & my nephew. Since I watch him all the I am no longer to go on our occasional family days because even though we could bring him along, we still have to drop her off & pick her up from work so we have to worry about being back in time. We can’t go on vacation because we have to take her to & from work.

She doesn’t understand personal space at all. Maybe it’s because she is used to living in the living room at other places, but still... she is always trying to be up our butts. I get spending time together, but I just spent 10 hours watching your kid.. I need a break. My fiancé works long hours & would like to come home & have some peace & quiet but she comes downstairs every damn hour it seems. Letting him yell, cry, jump on us when we’re napping...

She is battling her sons father over child support as well. He is supposed to pay $600 a month & she’s lucky if she’s gotten $600 in the past year. He’s going to end up going to jail. When she does get the child support payment, she spends it more on herself. Going out to dinner with her girlfriend, packs of cigs etc...

She doesn’t clean up after herself or her son. I have to CONSTANTLY go behind them & pick up. I tell her all the time but she says okay then goes back to doing the same old thing. Our electric bill used to be down & it has gone up so much since they’ve been here. She leaves all the lights on even when she isn’t in the room. She leaves the tv on ALL night. It’s just very disrespectful. I would NEVER do those things at someone else’s house.

As if all that isn’t enough, she’s pissed at us because we don’t want her girlfriend at our house anymore. It wasn’t always this way. She told us from the beginning that her girlfriend is a registered sex offender on Megan’s Law for violating a 17 year old girl. I gave her a chance cause I wasn’t trying to judge her. Long story short I found out that my sisters girlfriend was cat fishing my sister. Her girlfriend said she had a best friend which was a guy & he would always talk to my sister about their relationship giving them advice through Facebook. There was also a girl who was always causing problems between my sister & her girlfriends relationship because she was supposedly in love with my sisters girlfriend. Turns out that NONE of these people are real!!! & They are all my sisters girlfriend pretending to be them!! I can’t make this shit up y’all!! It’s crazy!! & my sister is dumb enough to continue to stay with her after she lied continuously swearing on my sisters life that they aren’t her. I reversed image searched & found the real people she was pretending to be so she couldn’t deny it anymore. She finally confessed but my sister seems to think that it’s okay when NOTHING about it is normal. Now I question everything about this girl. I looked her up on Megan’s law & did a lot of digging just to find out that the girl she violated was under 14. I told my sister that she is no longer welcome in my house. I have to protect my daughter & my nephew cause she isn’t. My sister is so mad saying that since she pays SOOO much to live here, she should be able to have over whoever she wants. I told her up until all the lies she was allowed in my home but not anymore. She thinks we’re being unreasonable about everything. I told her I don’t understand why she is even with her. I won’t stop her from dating her but what kind of future does she think she can have with her? She lives with her parents, can’t be around kids unattended, she’s on probation with a curfew. You’d think she would put her son 1st. Her son isn’t even allowed over at her girlfriends parents.. Thank God..

Her living with us has been causing SO much unneeded & unwanted drama. She doesn’t appreciate us one bit & thinks that we’re asking too much of her & from her. Anywhere else she would be expected to pay a heck of a lot more. Not including everything else we do for her & put up with. I’ve been contemplating weather or not I should tell her that she needs to find somewhere else to live...I’m just really worried about my nephew... It’s hurting us more than helping us. We can only do so much for them, the rest is up to her. She needs to grow up sometime...

What are your thoughts? Do you think I’m being unreasonable?