I’m trying day by day to forget it or push it aside , from losing the privilege of waking up to my son everyday , having to become a stay at home mom for my breast fed one year old & to having to make sacrifices of where and how I want to live ..... I can’t do it nomore 😔 I have nobody to talk to so I’m here to vent . No family or no friends I’m home all day bored out my mind . Sometimes I wish my oldest was here with me and that he wasn’t in a different state . I tried to protect my son from having to grow up and heal from his childhood but I didn’t succeed and seeing him break down while visiting me because he was so used to living w me and seeing me everyday my son has to go through it && it’s sad his dad doesn’t care for his own selfish reasons . I never did drugs , I never chose for my son to go through this & now I’m dealing with the burden . Now we have to move and probably to a different state because the rent is ridiculous & I hate it here . But my husband wants to be close to his family but me ..... I have none & my son is 8 hrs away . Hubby wants to move temp I want forever & now I want a career and I can’t choose . I can’t chose because what I want to do will have me away from him 3-4 days out the week . I feel like postpartum depression is hitting me harder then ever again. I’m trying but I can’t no more . Why should another woman get the pleasure of waking up to my son ? Why did my life have to go this way ...?