Please tell me you can see this???

We lost a baby at 28 weeks last year and we have had the toughest time ever since, we decided to start trying again in Dec but my body has been going totally mental and my periods have been irregular. This is the 3rd time I’ve thought I was pregnant since trying again, I’ve had some vvvvvfl that have then gone back to negative again it’s driven me nuts. I don’t know if I’m just seeing what I want to see and can’t stare at this stick any longer, please help, there should be a cross in the first window. Thanks xo