I really don’t know who to talk to about this. I grew up in a very homophobic family, time & place (community). I’m almost 30 and have been in relationships with men my whole life, even though my first crush was a girl and I am far more attracted to them and interested in them. I like men as friends and I can love different people if I become close to them so I do love my current male partner, but I don’t have this “in love” feeling and I don’t really feel intimately close to him. I keep stuffing my feelings because I have a lot of guilt about my attraction to females. I haven’t had a girlfriend because I’m afraid of my family’s reactions and the lesbians that I do know in my area are pretty hardcore and seem to look down upon bi/pan/questioning and not brave lesbians, and the only bisexual girls I know are dating men and having casual threesomes. When I see posts about happy monogamous girls, especially having weddings and kids together and doing life, it makes my heart ache and speaks to my soul. I guess I just need to vent.

*my boyfriend is strictly religious and homophobic and if I told him I was not straight he would probably think I was possessed by demons 🤦🏼‍♀️