My first Valentine's day as a mom should be filled with joy.

But it's also the first Valentine's day I've had since my dad died by suicide.

My heart is bursting at the seams with love for my baby girl. But also ripping in two from the loss of my father.

I feel so full, yet so empty.

I know this little girl is the reason I live. The reason I get by. But here I am, trying to hide that I'm crying over a plate of the worst meal I've ever made because I don't have the energy to make a hot dinner for my husband after we've both been at work all day, wondering if I'm cut out for this. He keeps asking what's wrong, but mentally I don't think I can handle a conversation about it. Not today.

Happy Valentine's Day.